Bitter Sweets
by Evelyn Reid
Summary: 15-year-old Emi Kitamura works in the sweet shop in Suna. She has no memory of her life before showing up in the Sand Village, but Gaara is sure she's lying. What lengths will he go through to find out the truth? M for later chapters, NOT MarySue. GaaraOC
1. Red

A/N: please give this a chance, i promise she is not a Mary Sue, she doesn't have any kind of demon inside of her, and she is not all-powerful.

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><p>Red had been her favorite color. Red was the color of her nails, the color of her lipstick…the color of blood. She turned her hand over, staring at it, staring numbly at the blood on her palms. Then, she looked past her stained fingers to the bodies on the ground. This one was a girl whose face was a mask of red blood—this was her best friend. That one was a boy with a hole where his heart should be—that was her brother. All of these people—ten of them to be exact and only four of whom were recognizable anymore—were part of her old life. She could leave it all behind now. She could be anything she wanted now.<p>

She dropped her ANBU mask to the ground beside an ever-growing pool of blood, kissed her brother on the forehead, and vanished.

_A new name. A new life._

Red was still her favorite color.

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><p>Sabaku no Gaara, Kazekage of the Village Hidden in the Sand, was absolutely not happy with his two older siblings.<p>

"Come on," said Temari carefully. "It won't kill you just to oversee the Genin for _one _day…"

"Isn't there something more pressing that needs my attention? You know how I feel about the new ninja for our village." The redhead hesitated, sea-foam green eyes closing as he sighed. "They're always scared of me."

"In the beginning," said Kankuro, hands in his pockets. "They come around by the time the Chunin Exams come along."

Gaara grunted. "Doesn't mean it's pleasant to meet them when they're still in the Academy."

"Technically you won't be meeting them personally," Temari placated. She had a gentle hold on her brother's arm, an attempt to slowly guide him forward, step by step toward Suna's Academy. "You'd just be overseeing their final exam before they graduate."

"Must I, Temari?"

"Yes." Her voice finally found its firm footing now that she was convinced he wouldn't harm her. He was mildly annoyed, not angry. "You must."

* * *

><p>Emi Kitamura swooped her deep black-purple bangs out of her eyes, but they fell right back into place unheeded as she looked up at the Academy. She was fifteen, petite, and despite not being enrolled in the Academy, had a kunai and three shuriken hidden on her person. She sighed on occasion when she watched the ninja of Suna walk past her every day, but it had been her own decision not to pursue trying to be a ninja in the Sand Village.<p>

She bent her head again, continuing to sweep the entrance of the small sweet shop she worked in. She heard the voices of Temari and Kankuro approaching, but kept her head down. Temari visited the shop often, so she knew Emi, but obviously they were speaking about something important. It wouldn't do to interrupt.

"Gaara, really," Temari was saying. "You're being very unreasonable about this."

"Maybe we should lay off, Temari, he's obviously not comfortable—"

"He's the damned Kazekage! It's his duty to—"

Emi flicked her eyes upwards just long enough to get a glimpse at the elusive Kazekage. He was almost always hiding away in his office. Girls all over the village were gushing about him, and Emi had heard Sari and Matsuri gossiping often enough in the shop to gather that he was very mysterious and very attractive.

They certainly hadn't been lying.

Despite his layered clothing, she could tell he was fit and toned. His arms were crossed over his chest and he looked altogether irritable and cold, but despite that his face was handsome enough. His eyes were a strange shade of green, lined with kohl, and he seemed distant. Then suddenly those eyes met hers. She had been caught staring. She tried to avert her gaze, but too late.

Gaara had stopped in his tracks, causing both siblings to double back. He was staring at the girl sweeping the ground, and when his brother and sister reached him, he asked, "Who is she?"

"Her?" Temari frowned. "She works at the sweet shop I always go to, that's it right there." She inhaled suddenly. "Mmm, smells like sweet red bean soup."

"What does it matter who she is?" Kankuro was eyeing his brother strangely.

"I've never seen her before." Gaara didn't stop staring with slight apprehension.

"She came to the village a few weeks ago, complete amnesia, no idea where she came from. The only thing she could remember was her name. Emi Kitamura. Emi-chan!"

Emi snapped her head up, a smile on her lips and a blush on her cheeks. "A-Ah, good morning, Temari-sama, Kankuro-sama." Her gaze rested on Gaara and she dipped into a low bow. "Kazekage-sama."

Gaara merely grunted. Kankuro gave him another strange look as Temari said, "Do I smell fresh red bean soup?"

"Hai," said Emi. "We're having a special on dango today too, if you'd like to stop by."

Temari's mouth began to water, but she shook her head fiercely and sighed. "No, no, we have an appointment. Gaara is going to oversee the final exam at the Academy."

"I see." Emi's smile stayed secure, and she bowed again. "Don't let me keep you then, Kazekage-sama."

"Why didn't you apply to the Academy?"

Gaara's question caused Temari and Kankuro to freeze in surprise. Their anti-social little brother was actually…taking an _interest _in someone?

Emi didn't answer right away, apparently taken off guard.

"The weapons you have hidden," he gestured at her, "are those of a ninja, yet you are not a ninja. Why didn't you apply? Do you know how to use them?"

"I'm too old to apply to the Academy, and I'm not exactly established in this village yet." She blinked. "I-I still don't know anything about my past, I came here with these weapons, it just feels natural to—"

"Perhaps you used to be a ninja."

"Perhaps…"

"Gaara, really, we're going to be late," said Temari. "Emi-chan, I'll stop by after the appointment for some of that dango—"

"Come with us."

Emi stared at the young Kazekage. "I—"

"Take the graduation exam. I want to see how you do."

"Gaara," Kankuro interrupted, his hand on his brother's shoulder. "If she hasn't had any training, how do you expect her to pass?"

"I just want to see how she does, Kankuro."

"I can't really leave work…"

Gaara's eyes narrowed, and his two siblings exchanged a glance. They both knew that Gaara was determined, and this poor girl, whether she wanted to or not, was going to take the graduation exam. That is, until she smiled and said, "I honorably decline, Kazekage-sama. I couldn't possibly take the exam."

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><p>Gaara watched her, still with narrowed gaze. Her hair was short and wavy, half tied in a small ponytail, a dark purple that looked almost black in the right light, and with long bangs that shielded much of her face. She was short and pale, with a thin body, but he found her to be…oddly curvy. Dressed in pastel colors that clashed with her hair, she wore a very modest short-sleeve dress. Her eyes were a pretty light amber color, and in spite of the smile on her face, her eyes held a look only he could recognize. They were his eyes—Sasuke's eyes—Kimimaro's eyes. The eyes of someone who had known insurmountable loneliness and pain.<p>

Gaara's interest and temper rose, the latter much higher than the former, but he walked away towards his duties. It was his goal now to protect people. So no matter how irked he became by her cheerful declining, he had to keep his composure and remember that he was the Fifth Kazekage.

That didn't change the fact, however, that he firmly believed she was hiding something.

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><p>AN: see? nothing horrible. review!


	2. Water

The next day, his schedule cleared for a while, the young man decided to make his way to her place of employment. He entered the sweet shop early, just after it opened, to ensure that it was empty.

Emi was tying an apron around her waist, hands swiftly forming a knot in the back, and she then proceeded to tie a small bandana, yellow like the store sign and her dress, into her hair. He waited silently, watching her, and when she noticed his presence she jumped.

"Kazekage-sama!" She dipped into a quick bow. "I didn't see you there, please forgive me." Straightening up, she fixed him with a cautiously curious look. "Are you…Can I get you something, Kazekage-sama?"

His deep, probing eyes narrowed slightly again, but he simply stood there with his arms crossed until she began to fidget uncomfortably. "I don't care for sweets."

"Then what are you…"

"Lord Kazekage!" came a sudden voice behind her. A man, the owner of the shop, came bustling in from the kitchen. "In my shop!"

"Sabiki-sensei!" said Emi.

"Emi! Why is the Kazekage standing in my shop and not being assisted! Can't you do your job?"

"Sabiki-sensei, he…" Emi looked at her boss helplessly. "Kazekage-sama doesn't care for…"

"I'm here to pick up something for my sister," interrupted Gaara in a calm voice. "Temari was quite distraught yesterday after an appointment ran late and she was unable to stop in. Perhaps it could be possible for you to make her something, Sabiki-san?"

Sabiki, a stern-looking man, blinked in surprise. "Of course, Lord Kazekage! Anything! What does Temari-sama like?"

"She's very fond of chestnuts. They're her favorite." Gaara's gaze was riveted on Emi, who had lowered her head.

"Ah! A fresh dessert with chestnuts! Right away!" Sabiki bowed quickly and made his exit to the kitchen, mumbling to himself about the possibilities.

For a while, it was quiet. Then, Emi whispered, "You lied."

Gaara waited a beat before responding, "I did not. Temari loves chestnuts."

"You know what I mean." Her face was completely hidden by her hair.

"You're hiding something."

She looked up with a start at his blunt tone. "Hiding something, Kazekage-sama? How can I hide something, I only have memory of the last two weeks in this village—"

"I'm not fooled. I think you're the one who's lying."

"I don't understand—"

"If your goal," he said dangerously, leaning in until his breath tickled her face, "is to harm this village or any of its inhabitants, I will kill you."

Her head reeling, he stepped back. "When Temari's dessert is finished, deliver it to her." He placed some money on one of the empty tables. "There is your payment."

Then the redhead was gone.

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><p>The mound of paperwork in his office was frying his brain. He prevented a sigh, rubbing slightly at his tired eyes, but froze mid-gesture when his sense picked up something outside the window of his office. Now quite late into the night, he highly doubted—<p>

He stopped again, sensing a distinctly different chakra than his two guards posted outside the door. Two chakras—three—four—

Four.

His sand reacted quicker than his own reflexes would have been allowed, forming a shield to his left and blocking a barrage of weapons. He stood, gesturing, and the sand whipped his door open—his two guards lay dead in the hallway outside of his office. He tensed, ready for a battle, and four men appeared, surrounding him. They were all clad in garb that seemed most like the style of the Hidden Cloud Village, shielding their faces, and the one directly in front of him stepped forward and said, "Gaara of the Desert?"

Gaara's green eyes met the ninja's coldly. "Yes."

"Kazekage of the Village Hidden in the Sand…" The ninja laughed. "We're under orders to kill you."

"Is that so." He settled into fighting stance swiftly and added, "Come on then."

His sand stirred to life all around them, and he wasn't worried in the least. These ninja didn't look too threatening, and he would simply activate his Sand Burial and—

Suddenly, the ninja who had spoken and was obviously the leader made quick hand signs, and Gaara's eyes widened slightly as he realized he could physically see his chakra in the sand…and it was being leeched away.

"This will make it a much fairer fight." His head cocked to the side, staring at Gaara. "Don't you think?"

The three others came at him all at once, weapons ready, and he attempted to summon his sand. The sand still moved, but lazily and lethargically. It wouldn't reach him in time—

There was a metallic clashing noise as shuriken knocked the weapons from their hands. A fifth ninja, a ninja Gaara had been unable to sense, crouched in the window. This ninja was cloaked, hood up, and dressed in all black. He wore a face mask, had no headband, and the shadows from the hood prevented a clear view of his eyes.

"Who're you?" demanded the leader of the Cloud ninja.

"Riku, you said there wasn't anyone around," said one to Gaara's left.

The leader, Riku, snarled. "There wasn't."

The cloaked ninja straightened, a kunai gleaming in one black-gloved hand. Riku nodded at the one to Gaara's right and said, "Nari, take that one out."

"Yes sir." Nari drew a handful of shuriken, launched them at the mysterious ninja. He dodged to the right, but Nari appeared right there with yet another weapon, slashing. The weapon caught him on the right shoulder, tearing the arm of the cloak, leaving a gash in his skin, and revealing to Gaara's eyes a spiral tattoo.

"He's ANBU," said Nari. "Riku, you didn't say there were ANBU here—"

"Forget what I said and take care of it!" Riku ordered harshly, eyes glinting.

Gaara used his distraction to strike, taking out one of the other members with a well-placed punch so that the ninja fell into a gathered pool of Gaara's sand. The man shrieked, but the noise was swallowed by Gaara's Sand Burial. The one to his left sprung on him, and as they engaged in a fight, Nari and the mystery ninja were clashing as well while Riku snarled.

"Enough of this." He joined the fray with Gaara as the Kazekage began to worry that his sand wasn't reacting fast enough. Whatever technique Riku had used had drained away most of the control Gaara had over his sand.

There was a gargling noise abruptly as Nari fell to the side, her throat slashed.

"This was supposed to be a quick assassination." Riku made more hand signs, saying, "Lightning Surge Jutsu!"

The mystery ninja dodged it narrowly, his cape in tatters, before making hand signs of his own. He didn't speak a word, but whatever jutsu he had used cancelled out the technique from Riku—Gaara watched his chakra returning to the sand. He lifted his hand, capturing Riku and the last unnamed Cloud ninja. Riku struggled angrily, but it didn't matter; Gaara's fist clenched, and the two were killed.

There was a second to breathe. Gaara didn't look at the ninja who had helped him when he said, "I should have been able to take them out without a problem."

The ninja hesitated at the window, then strode over to the mutilated body of Riku. He bent, searching Riku's pockets, and came up with a scroll, which he handed to Gaara. Meanwhile, Gaara was looking long and hard at the injuries the other had sustained—in particular, the horizontal slice over the ANBU tattoo. He opened the scroll: inside were details of the plan to assassinate him, and a description of how to perform a jutsu that drained chakra from the enemy. That's why Gaara hadn't been able to take them down as easily as usual.

The ninja turned away, but Gaara said, "You're not a male."

Again, this gave the other pause.

"Your ANBU tattoo. Only females get it on their right shoulder." His suspicions rose. "Let me see your face."

There was continued silence, and then she tried to leap out the window. He caught her with his sand, holding her in an iron grip.

"Tell me who you are, or I'll kill you."

The ANBU said nothing, remaining steadfastly silent, and Gaara closed his fist—

She turned to water.

_Water Substitution Jutsu? No…I couldn't sense her. It was a clone. She used a Water Clone.._

He growled agitatedly. The ninja was gone. He had lost her.

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><p>AN: only one review? :( i'm going to go cry in a corner. not.

but reviews would be much appreciated. thankyouuu.


	3. Bandages

A/N: I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but i got really caught up with writing this...

I don't own _Naruto_, Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, or any characters/places/concepts associated with the anime or manga. They belong strictly to Masashi Kishimoto (drat).

I do, however, own the following original characters in no particular order (some of whom you will meet later): Emi Kitamura, Sabiki, Riku, Nari, Hideki, Seiji, Kazuo, Kaito Isoya, Aya Nakano, and Chieri Isoya.

Those are the only OC's as of right now. I'll edit the list if i create anymore.

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><p>"Missing nin from the Village Hidden in the Clouds," said Temari hours later, the sun just rising. She, Kankuro, and a few Sand Jonin stood in the Kazekage's office. "They were probably trying to incite a war between our villages—this scroll? The signature is a fake. They weren't ordered by the Raikage."<p>

Gaara sat at his desk, his expression pensive but severe. He leaned his elbows on his desk, hands clasped in front of his mouth. "Contact the Mizukage for me, Temari."

Kankuro blinked in surprise, responding faster than his sister. "The Mizukage? What for, Gaara?"

"Ask her if there have been any missing or presumed dead female ANBU members from her village."

"Why?" Temari's face formed a frown. "What does that have to do—"

"Just do it, Temari. Don't question me."

His tone was intense, and Temari simply nodded. "Alright, Gaara."

Gaara's brooding gaze continued when they and the Jonin vacated his office. He went over in his mind countless times the injuries that the suspicious ANBU had received, and then he abruptly stood. The Water Clone hadn't vanished, despite it's injuries. That meant the ANBU had been using extra chakra to keep it, essentially tying herself to the clone. What ever injuries the clone had sustained, there was a slim chance the ANBU had sustained them as well.

It wouldn't hurt to pay Emi Kitamura another visit. The sweet shop should be open for business in a matter of minutes.

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><p>When he entered the shop, actually earlier than it was open, Emi threw herself into a bow so quickly that she actually hit her head on a table.<p>

"Kazekage-sama!" She rubbed gently at her forehead, addressing him with obvious surprise.

His hands shoved deep into his pockets, he said nothing. He stared at her hard, scrutinizing, look for any sign of—

"Can…Can I ask what you're doing here, Kazekage-sama?" Evidently, his silence made her uncomfortable.

"No."

Gaara's eyes raked over her form, searching. There was a slight bulge under the sleeve of her right arm, and his gaze immediately narrowed. He grabbed her arm.

Her eyes widened and she tried to pull back. "Kazekage-sama, what're you—"

He tore the sleeve of her dress away, revealing a bandage, and when he removed the bandage—

"Stop it!" She whipped her arm away from him, eyes wide with fear. The bandage fell to the ground, revealing a cut on her shoulder, exactly where the mysterious ninja had been hurt, but there was no ANBU tattoo. "What are you doing?"

"How did you get that?" He fixated on it, searching for any concealing jutsu. He could sense a slight bit of chakra on her skin, just as he had sensed it when he'd first met her—she had a decently large amount of chakra, she had the weapons of a ninja, yet she was working in a sweet shop?

"I was trying to learn to use shuriken," she said sheepishly and still slightly afraid. "You were right to ask if I knew how to use them. I just wanted to see if it triggered my memory…"

He was appalled to see that tears were forming in her eyes. Sighing, Gaara said, "You should bandage it better or it'll get infected."

"I…don't know how to bandage…"

"Do you have a roll of bandages?" His patience was fading. Doubt was beginning to gnaw at his mind—_Maybe she's not hiding anything…_—and he didn't like it. He wanted to remain sure. His instinct had never failed him before.

"With me? N-No…" She tried to wipe at her eye without him seeing and failed. "There's a first aid kit in the back."

"Go get it."

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><p>Gaara's calloused, slightly rough hands brushed against her skin occasionally as he bandaged her shoulder. He still had a slight aversion to physical contact, but he wasn't above feeling bad that he had upset her—on the off chance he was wrong and he was actually doing nothing but hurting an innocent amnesiac—and he was doing his best not to touch her anymore than was necessary.<p>

Her skin was abnormally cold—why else would she have goosebumps?

She had gotten oddly quiet as he worked. He glanced quickly at her face, which she was hiding from him with her bangs.

"Are you cold?" he asked in a low voice.

His breath hit her face gently and he felt her body stiffen, filing this reaction away in his mind curiously. "No."

He frowned. Her voice was harsh and short. All her other reactions had been that of a meek, shy girl. She was always polite, using the proper honorifics, she was obviously terrified of him…so that simple word, spoken in that way, didn't fit.

His suspicions doubled.

He finished bandaging, tying it off, and she pulled away from him quickly. He took it to be fear.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't," he replied. "I still think you're hiding something."

She stepped back from him, bowing slightly. "Is that all you came for, Kazekage-sama?"

"Are you scared of me?"

Emi looked up at him, eyes meeting his, and despite her firm gaze, she said, "Yes."

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><p>When Gaara appeared back in his office, he found Kankuro waiting for him with his arms crossed.<p>

"So serious, Kankuro," said Gaara. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just curious, Gaara. You barely leave your office for weeks, and suddenly you make two trips in as many days to the sweet shop. You hate sweets."

"I ordered Temari a dessert."

"Yes, yesterday, but then you visited again today. Don't try to hide it." Kankuro fixed his younger brother with a careful look. They'd become quite close following Gaara's fight with Naruto in which the former realized it was better to live for others than himself. "Temari appreciated the dessert and had a nice little chat with Kitamura-san, who looked quite shaken up and would only say that you paid her a visit. Refused to tell Temari what you had said."

"Simple," said Gaara, sitting in his chair. "I threatened to kill her."

That shook Kankuro a little. He faltered, scrambling for something to say, before he finally said weakly, "Well that's one way to ask a girl out…"

"I didn't ask her out, Kankuro. I…" Gaara looked up at his brother. "I believe the amnesia is a ruse and she is lying about who she is."

"So you threatened to kill her? Can you prove it?"

"Yes and no." The redhead looked out the window. "Yes, I threatened to kill her, and no, I can't prove it."

"Then how can you be sure—"

"My instinct is never wrong, Kankuro."

"You know what I think?" Kankuro proceeded cautiously, watching Gaara's face in case he overstepped any boundaries accidentally. "I think she intrigues you because she's new and she's different. I think that you being intrigued by anyone of the female persuasion frightens you, so you've convinced yourself that she is a danger to you as a way of being able to escape from the possibility that you might actually _like _someone."

There was no response from his younger brother, and worry began to creep into Kankuro's mind.

"Kankuro, kindly leave my office until word is received back from the Mizukage."

Kankuro sighed. "I've offended you."

"No, I'm just very busy at the moment."

Kankuro raised an eyebrow, but did as the Kazekage requested and left the room. Gaara liking someone…that was just absurd anyway.

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><p>He was still trying to fit together pieces of what he knew of her—Emi Kitamura had invaded his mind, taking over his every thought—when Temari came in the next day.<p>

"That was quick," he commented. "The Mizukage gave you names?"

Temari nodded with a sigh and said, "I still don't know what importance any of this is—"

"Is Kitamura's name anywhere on the list?"

Temari's eyes narrowed. Her grip on the papers in her hand tightened. "You're trying to find out about Emi-chan's past by looking at dead ANBU members? If you're going to try and search for you, look at all the villages, why narrow it to just Kirigakure?"

"Are you upset with me because I'm searching for her identity or because I didn't tell you earlier?"

"She's a sweet girl!"

"I'm sure she is."

"You scare the living hell out of her, you know that? She tries to be nice to you and you frighten her! Purposely!"

"Temari," said Gaara. "If you're through yelling at me, I would like the list."

She slammed it down on his desk and said through clenched teeth, "Emi-chan's name isn't on it."

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><p>AN: thanks for everyone reviewing, and for everyone who has read it and is about to leave, shame on you. **review**. it takes essentially a minute of your time, but causes me an hour of joy.


	4. Torture

A/N: Emi is about to undergo a major change. this is a very important chapter. Warning: If you don't _read _the chapter and merely skip, you _will _be confused. Thank you. This has been a public service announcement.

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><p>"You wanted to see me, Kazekage-sama?" Emi's voice was quiet, so quiet he had to strain to hear it.<p>

Kankuro had given him a suspicious look when he'd requested that Emi be sent to his office—he admitted it would be strange to anyone outside of his own mind that he was requesting to see her this late at night. The sun had set, the town was nearly asleep, and it was evident when she entered his office that Kankuro had interrupted her in the middle of preparing for sleep.

She wore a loose-fitting white shirt and black shorts, a high-necked light blue cloak hurriedly thrown on as Suna could get chilly at night.

"Do you live here?" she asked slowly. "It seems like you hardly leave…"

"My rooms are down the hall." He was just finishing up the last of the day's paperwork—filing away a report from Baki's latest mission—and he would address the issue in which he'd summoned her afterwards. He was almost…_excited _in anticipation of seeing her squirm when she learned that he knew where she came from.

So her name hadn't been anywhere on the list. So there were three female ANBU in her age range who had disappeared. So there was the possibility she wasn't from Kirigakure. So he couldn't concretely prove she was lying with the information he had. So what? Her reaction when he confidently lied would tell him all he needed to know.

If not, he had sent his guards away so no one would hear. He would get the information from her somehow. This was, after all, nearly driving him crazy.

"If you're going to speak to me again on…on…" Her face went red and she averted her gaze. "On what you spoke to me about yesterday, I don't have any different answers for you. I still don't know why you think I'd be hiding something…"

He set his pen down. "Do you know what I learned today?"

She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

"An ANBU from the Hidden Mist Village was reported missing a few weeks ago, just before you came here." His smile was dark. "And a few nights ago, I was assisted by a female ANBU member who used a Water Technique. Actually, it was the first day I came to see you."

"Ka-Kazekage-sama?"

"The ANBU received an injury on her right shoulder, a cut identical to yours. Isn't that odd?"

"I don't understand…I don't have an ANBU tattoo…"

"I told you then, didn't I? When I first stopped by? That I suspected you of hiding something and that I would kill you if you became a threat to my people?"

In the blink of an eye, he was in front of her. She stepped back, staring up at him.

"Are you afraid to die, Kitamura?"

She licked her lips, breathing heavily with her fear. "I-Isn't everyone, Kaze—"

Emi was cut off as his hand closed around her throat. Despite her answer to his question, however, she didn't struggle. He found that strange, confusing. She actually closed her eyes as if…as if bracing herself. Was she expecting him to kill her, right now?

"I don't understand," he murmured, searching her face.

His grip loosened, and she inhaled quickly, gasping for the breath he had been withholding from her.

"Tell me the truth," he said, voice dangerous. "Or I'll—"

"Kill me?"

He stopped in his tracks. The way she had said it was not just finishing his sentence. It sounded almost like a suggestion. Almost…like a plea.

"Do you want me to kill you?"

Something shifted in her eyes. "Does that make me strange?"

"Yes," he answered bluntly. "You're not scared to die. What kind of person isn't afraid to die?"

"I don't know what kind of person I am," she said. "I can't remember. So I couldn't tell you."

He growled low in his throat. "Still sticking to that story. I _will _find out the truth."

"Are you going to torture me?"

Her expression showed fear, but the emotion didn't reach her eyes. The emotion in her eyes was…calm. Again, her words sounded almost like a suggestion, as if she wanted him to torture her. This only helped to solidify his suspicion. There were parts of her reactions, her personality, that didn't connect.

"You'd prefer if I tortured you," he said, taking a stab in the dark. "You feel you deserve whatever I decide to throw at you, even if it means your death."

"I don't know." Her voice was oddly calm, and her expression began to even out. The words she spoke would, to listeners, sound like the charade he was trying so hard to break. Her face, however, made it seem to him as if she was giving up. "I can't remember."

"You are lying, aren't you?"

"Where's your proof?" She was emotionless now. Was this the real Emi Kitamura? Or was that a lie too? "You don't know who I am."

"Neither do you. Or is the amnesia part of the lie?"

She didn't say anything, but she stared him down. This was not the shy girl from the sweet shop anymore.

"It was you who helped me with the Cloud ninja."

Emi lifted her chin, amber eyes mesmerizing, but he growled again angrily at her lack of response. He took a step toward her, she took one back. They continued this a few more times until her back was against the wall. Anxiety flashed briefly across her face—anxiety but not fear—and he felt himself smirk. If the real Emi didn't fear him, she was at least nervous. He tried to think of something he could do that was as effective as torture, but his mind turned to one thing; and that one thing nearly made his face heat up in anticipation and embarrassment. That would be his backup plan. Backup plan _only_.

"Maybe it's just a brave front," he said. "Maybe, if I actually begin the torture, you won't be so quick to agree."

"Go ahead," she replied brashly.

He stepped in even closer to her, until he was hardly an inch away from her body. "You'll be afraid before I'm through."

His perceptive gaze caught the goosebumps that again erupted on her skin and he raised an eyebrow. _Is she cold? _She wasn't shivering. It only piqued his curiosity more. _Maybe Kankuro was right. She intrigues me._

Gaara looked at her as he always had—scrutinizing, taking in every detail. She was pretty, he supposed, but not in an obviously or classically pretty kind of way. She wasn't homely, she was just…slightly plain. Except for her eyes. Those were…unique. It was mostly her air, her mystery, he supposed, that intrigued him. And the fact that she was a puzzle he had to unravel. Even if unraveling it revealed her to be a threat to his village.

"Why do you always stare at me?" she asked. She was trying to match his intense gaze. "Why now? Don't you have the stomach to do what you've been threatening?"

He drew a kunai with a snarl, swiping it down her neck and causing a shallow cut.

She was watching him expectantly, as if saying, _That's it?_

"Do you enjoy pain?" He cut her again, this time on her collarbone and slightly deeper. His sand incapacitated her by trapping her hands above her head—not like she had been fighting him.

"No." She watched the blood, her blood, drip from the kunai he held. "Do you?"

"I'm the one asking questions."

"You feel you deserve pain."

"No," he snapped. _When did this become about me? _"I haven't believed that in a long time."

"You used to." She nodded. "We're alike then."

"Who are you?"

Her amber eyes addressed him calmly, not shying away. "I'm sure if you play detective a little while longer you'll figure it out."

She had completely abandoned the charade, and he received a small thrill from it.

"You're holding back," she observed. "Two cuts and they barely sting."

"Is Emi even your real name?"

"It's the only name I go by these days. Does that answer you?"

_You know damn well it doesn't._

She was right, however, that he was holding back. He found himself unable to do much more than the shallow cuts, and he was additionally certain that torture wasn't the way to get information from her. _I need something to catch her off guard._

A small portion of his mind whispered, _There's always the backup plan._

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><p>AN: next chapter is part of the reason why it's rated M. not full-blown "lemon", but enough that you should shield the eyes of small children.

**review. **please and thank you :)_  
><em>


	5. Interrogation

A/N: yeah, this is the rated M portion of my story. Gaara/Emi. not sex or "lemon" as many refer to it, but mature sexual scene that should not be read by young children.

continue (:

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><p>He would stop himself before it got…out of hand. He assured himself of this several times. He had gotten the slightest confirmation that his hunch had been correct, and now he needed more. He would stop at nothing to find out the truth.<p>

_If this doesn't work, _he told himself, _I can always harden my resolve and go back to torture…and maybe make more of an effort at it._

"Have you given up?" Emi asked, calm despite her restrained hands.

Despite the Shukaku being gone, he felt an inner beast roar to life as he thought of what he was going to do. He was a teenage boy, after all—he had hormones, he had needs, and she had an attractive body.

He used the kunai already in his hand and lowered it slowly down her body, allowing the tip to trail along her skin. He watched the slight bumps that followed the kunai, and he figured out what the goosebumps were from. _Oh._

In one smooth motion, he sliced through her shorts, keeping a careful eye on her face. Her reaction didn't disappoint—he saw a true emotion flicker across her face. That motion had frightened her. _Finally._

"Tell me," he said, low in her ear.

She squirmed away from him as a reflex, biting her lip when she realized she had given him the reaction he was looking for, but said nothing. She didn't want him to know that his new action frightened her.

But honestly, what girl wouldn't be afraid if there was the possibility she was about to get raped?

Gaara wouldn't let it get that far. He wouldn't be able to look at himself. _I've gone soft. I can't torture, I can't hurt her. I just need to know the truth…Hopefully she'll tell me before I do something I regret…_

He let his hand follow the path his kunai had gone, hovering above her underwear. She kept her head down, determined to keep her body still.

"You can prevent this," he whispered in her ear, his voice deep. "Just tell me who you are."

"This isn't nece—Nngh!"

He pressed his finger between her legs, through the fabric of her underwear. She was wet—he could feel it, smell it. It was driving him mad. If this were any other situation, he would be able to let go. Her body was reacting already—but he hadn't done anything yet! He remembered the goosebumps. His _voice _was doing that to her. Perhaps this wouldn't have to be rape. Perhaps he wouldn't have to do anything beyond this, beyond teasing her. Perhaps…he could use her attraction to him to his advantage.

He nearly grinned as his plan formed solidly. He pressed again, working purely on instinct; after all, Gaara had never been with a woman. He was barely sixteen and usually avoided physical contact. She bit her lip harder, her resolve firm.

"You're not enjoying this…" he said, his voice husky despite himself, his breath tickling her ear, "…are you?"

His finger began to explore underneath the fabric, finding what he was looking for as she opened her mouth to deny.

"G-Gaara!"

Her cry of surprise, her cry of his _name_, coupled with her arching her back, caused Gaara's hand to retreat in shock. He stared at her, his finger slick where he had slid it inside her—that's what had made her cry out. He couldn't tell if it was pleasure or revulsion, but he knew suddenly that he wanted her to say his name again.

He adopted his smirk, however. "My name? Not 'Kazekage-sama'? Seems I have found a weak spot. Are you going to tell me the truth now?"

She remained amazingly tight-lipped.

"Or are you relying on me stopping before things get out of hand?" _She won't call my bluff. _"Or…" He bit her neck and another thrill went through him as her hips bucked up towards him. "…do you want me to continue?"

"Why does it matter who I used to be?" she asked, struggling against the sand bonds that held her hands above her head.

"I want to know," he said simply.

"You sound like a spoiled child." She pressed herself flat against the wall in an attempt to get as far away from him as she could. "If I tell you I don't plan to harm your village in any way, will you be satisfied?"

"No." He growled, licking her neck, tasting blood, and almost grinning when her head fell to the side to allow him better access. "I want to know everything. What you're running away from, why, everything."

"Why is it important?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "It just is."

His hand slipped back underneath the fabric, curious, explorative. She attempted to press her thighs closed, but that only succeeded in trapping his hand there. He moved his finger, gauging by her reaction what things to repeat. This was quite difficult seeing as her expression was mostly set on trying _not _to react. He dipped his finger inside of her and again her back arched.

"Gaa—"

He watched her face as his name was cut off from her lips. He held back a shiver.

"Stop it," she said finally.

"Will you tell me the truth?"

"It will jeopardize everything—Nnh!"

He slipped another finger in experimentally, delighted by the sound she made. He pumped them in and out of her, watching the red flush creep up her cheeks. The real Emi seemed to be as emotionless and scarred as he had been in his youth. Every inch of the cheerful personality was a façade. This was a breakthrough.

_I want more._

He was unable to make the distinction of whether that thought was directed at learning more about her, or taking more of her body. He didn't want to stop and think about it in case it was the latter.

"You're not going to tell me everything tonight, are you?" he whispered. "I can keep up the chase. Tell me one truth, one clue as to who you are, and this stops."

"If you—you figure it out—it will—" She was biting her lip harshly, bottling a moan that had him groaning into her neck. The movement of his fingers within her never ceased.

"You're worried about the possibilities should I find out your true identity." He was sure this memory would stay in his mind, and that was a problem. It was…well, frankly, a little embarrassing. _If Temari or Kankuro ever find out about this…No, it's just a means of getting information. Nothing more. _"Why?"

"I don't—they'll make me—go back." Her voice came out in short, breathy spurts. "I can't go ba—ah!"

"Back where?" He pulled at her earlobe with his teeth. "Tell me."

She could no longer form coherent sentences, however, as her mouth formed an O and her eyes flew open. Her body trembled with the aftermath of her orgasm, and he removed his fingers from her with a surge of disappointment. She was panting, looking away from him in…shame? His sand released her and he expected her to bolt immediately, resigning himself to the fact that his plan had failed.

She paused, hesitating, however, and said, "Kirigakure," before fleeing.

Gaara lowered himself into his chair, manhood straining against the confines of his pants, and let it sink in. Every one of his suspicions had been confirmed. The amnesia was a lie, the name was a lie, the cheery demeanor was a lie—she was a ninja from Kirigakure, and he was going to find out her identity. Face burning, he decided that when he informed Kankuro of his findings, he'd leave out his method of obtaining them.

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><p>AN: there will be similar scenes to this as the story continues (less rape-y sounding) but I haven't decided if i'm going to include a "lemon" or not. please **review**.


	6. Gone

Emi Kitamura did not match up with the missing nin files sent from the Mizukage. Not in height, not in build, not in hair color—Gaara was at a loss. And according to the list, there were no female ANBU 'presumed dead' in a three week time frame.

To top it all off, Gaara had taken to the habit of using his Eye of Sand to spy on Emi at the sweet shop.

Kankuro watched his brother's behavior one day and said, "This is borderline obsessive, even for you."

"I am merely doing surveillance should she do anything suspicious," he replied tonelessly.

"Suspicious? You tortured a poor girl into answering some convoluted questions late at night in your office. I'm sure she would say anything to get you to stop."

Blood rushed to his nether regions as Gaara thought again about how he hadn't stopped. _Don't think about that, _he chastised himself. _It was…an interrogation technique._

"Nothing you say will deter me, Kankuro." Gaara removed his finger from his closed eye, canceling the jutsu.

"Done spying on her for the day?" asked his brother sarcastically. Then he sighed. "Temari is livid. She likes Kitamura-san."

"And you?"

Kankuro shrugged. "I find her to be a bit annoying, but that doesn't mean she isn't a sweet girl."

"Temari said that too."

"That she's annoying?"

"That she's a sweet girl."

"Ah." Kankuro observed his brother. Gaara's eyes were brooding, focusing on nothing in particular. "Why does it matter that she's lying? She said she wasn't a threat to the village, and if she's who you think she is, then she saved you from being assassinated. For all you know, she left her village to escape a horrible life and just wanted a better one somewhere else. Why do you want to take that away from her?"

"I don't want to take anything away from her. I want her to just be honest. I want to know why she lied in the first place."

"_Why_?"

Gaara blinked suddenly, settling his gaze on his brother. "I…" He stopped and realized he didn't know why.

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><p>Emi turned to smile at the three new customers that entered the now empty store. The lunch rush was over, and she hadn't expected another onslaught of customers for a few hours. "Hello, may I help you?"<p>

They were three men, travelers, as their attire didn't fit in with the rest of Suna. They looked like ninja. The one leading them, a tall imposing man with a long, spiked brown ponytail, nodded his head towards the outside.

"Why don't we take a walk?" he said.

Emi frowned and said, "I'm…working."

"Boys," he nodded to the two men on either side of him. "Let's convince her, shall we?"

The beefy one with silver eyes grabbed her arm in a crushing grip. "He said take a walk. Keep quiet. I don't want to have to get violent."

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><p>Gaara had activated his Eye of Sand once again, which Kankuro chose to ignore. His brother's obsession was slightly frightening and with any normal person Kankuro would have immediately staged some sort of intervention. With Gaara, Kankuro was actually a little happy that he was focusing on a girl. Even if he was doing it in a creepy stalker kind of way.<p>

"I can't find her," Gaara murmured suddenly.

Kankuro looked away from the window in surprise. "Hm?"

"I can't find her." Gaara stood, storming to the door and whipping it open to reveal Temari.

"Gaara? What's wrong?" she asked, blinking.

"Nothing," he muttered. "Where have you been? Baki said he wanted you to head to Konoha for a mission—"

"I stopped at the sweet shop first to get a snack." Temari frowned, blonde eyebrows knitting together.

"Was Kitamura-san there?" asked Kankuro slowly, for Gaara was simply staring at his sister.

"No." Her frown only increased. "Sabiki said she'd left right after the lunch rush. He was pretty agitated with her, too. Why?"

Something dangerously close to a growl escaped Gaara's lips, and he pushed past his sister. She gave a questioning look at Kankuro, who merely shrugged. There was no point in trying to understand the young Kazekage.

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><p>"Lord Kazekage!" gushed Sabiki excitedly. "How can I help you?"<p>

"Where's Kitamura?"

"She left." Sabiki scowled. "Ungrateful employee, that's what she is. Just left! In the middle of her shift! Not a word to me!"

"Did she leave with anyone? Did you see anyone with her?" Gaara pressed, trying to keep the desperation from edging into his voice.

Sabiki sighed and shook his head. "I spend most of my time in the back, Lord Kazekage. I'm afraid I saw nothing."

"Kazekage-sama?" came a different, distinctly female voice.

For a moment, he thought it was her. But when he turned, he saw Sari slowly slipping into the store.

"Yes, what is it?" he asked shortly.

"I don't know why you're concerned about Emi-chan…" she said. "But I saw her leave with three men. They didn't look like they were from around here."

"Where did they go?"

The brown-haired girl fidgeted uncomfortably, and while he waited for her to answer, Gaara thought strangely, _Why do all of her customers call her 'Emi-chan'? _He shook his head at himself. _She's not a sweet girl. She's a lie. If they only knew…_

"They…They left, Kazekage-sama."

"Yes," he said, dispelling his impatience with some difficulty. "Where did they _go_?"

"No, I mean they left the village."

Gaara's lips curled in a dangerous snarl. "What did they look like?"

As Sari described the men, he felt his fists clench. _How dare she leave. I will bring her back even if I have to drag her through the desert._

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><p>The slap echoed through the cave. Emi took it silently, her head lowered. Her hands were cuffed behind her back, and she currently sat on her knees with her legs turned outwards in a cave deep in the desert. No one would find her here, because no one would be looking.<p>

"Bitch," hissed Hideki, the brown-haired leader of the three men. "It doesn't even affect you, does it? You don't even care, do you?"

He hit her again—she gave him no reaction.

Kazuo, the more muscular and frightening of the three, stepped forward. "Maybe you're just not hitting her hard enough, Hideki. Allow me to demonstrate."

"No," Hideki said, glaring fiercely at her still. "She's mine for now. You and Seiji can have her when I've finished."

Seiji, who was standing guard more towards the mouth of the cave, grunted.

"Suit yourself." Kazuo shrugged, settling back against the wall with his arms crossed.

Hideki grabbed her by the throat and lifted her up, turning her head forcefully towards him. "Look at me!"

She complied, her amber eyes staring back at him.

"How dare you try to escape what you did?" he said dangerously. "Don't you ever think about it, you heartless murderer?"

Emi licked her lips. "Does it matter what I say?" Her voice was hoarse.

His face contorted in anger again as his fist snapped up and connected with her jaw. He released her after the hit, and she again sank to the floor.

"I'm going to make you pay."

"Good." She leaned against the cave wall, her eyes closed, and added with a small sigh, "I'm glad."

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><p>AN: uh oh! plot twist! **review **please and thank you.


	7. Deserving

A/N: one review for two chapters. this is saddening. i might not continue if i don't get more reviews. yeah, i went there :P

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><p>"You've been at it for hours," said Kankuro finally, addressing Gaara. "Aren't you ever going to rest?"<p>

"Yes," said Gaara in a stiff voice. "Once she's found."

"I'll send out a team—"

"This is quicker." Gaara's Eye of Sand was activated, searching the desert. There was a lot of land to cover, and while this technique didn't use much chakra, it became more draining the farther away he got from Suna. Not to mention that he had to manipulate ordinary sand, a feat that in a normal circumstance already doubled his chakra consumption. Despite this, he was convinced he would find her faster this way if he just kept at it.

"Maybe they were people she knew, maybe they triggered her memory—"

"Then why would she leave without saying goodbye to anyone or packing her things?"

Kankuro sighed. "I don't know, Gaara, all I know is I don't understand your concern for her."

"I'm not concerned." Gaara scoffed at the notion. "I just don't have all the answers yet."

Though his brother nodded, Kankuro was thinking, _He's definitely concerned._

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><p>Emi could taste blood. The men were asleep, allowing her a temporary rest from Hideki's anger. Outside of the cave, the sky was dark, confirming her theory that it was well into the night. She took stock of herself, assessing her injuries quickly. Split lip, that was a given; cut on her cheek; and at least one broken rib. The two cuts from Gaara's…interrogation…had reopened as well and, as she shifted her body slightly with a wince, she had a sneaking suspicion her shoulder was dislocated as well. She shifted her body again, biting her bloodied lip to stifle a whimper of pain, and nearly cried out when the tell-tale pop signaled her shoulder was back in its place.<p>

She had known who Hideki was from the moment he entered the shop. She hadn't fought him—instead, she had followed him and his two henchmen numbly out of the Sand Village and into the desert. Why?

She knew this day would be coming. She'd been looking forward to it. After all, she deserved everything Hideki dealt to her. She deserved it if he killed her. She deserved it if he cut every inch of her body and then poured salt in her wounds. She had done him a great disservice, wounded him to the core, taken something precious that could never be restored. Torture and death was a fitting price to pay. The _only _price to pay. No other punishment would equal the crime.

She let out another sigh and rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes. She was tired, and so she would sleep. Tomorrow would bring on round two and perhaps, if she angered him enough, it would be her last day in this world.

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><p>Gaara's head was in his hands, elbows propped up on the desk, when Kankuro came in the next morning to check on him.<p>

"No luck?" said Kankuro carefully.

"No."

"Did you sleep at _all _last night?

"No."

"What are you going to do now?" Kankuro set a cup of coffee on his desk.

"I don't know."

_This is really getting to him._

"Have you already scoured the entire desert?"

Gaara didn't look up, hands clenching and unclenching in his hair. "Yes."

"_Really?_" Kankuro couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Every inch of the desert they could have reached in less than a day's travel, and _I can't find her._"

Kankuro hesitated, then placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. Gaara tensed, but didn't move. "Are you sure that you've looked in every possible—"

Gaara's head suddenly snapped up, surprising Kankuro. "Caves."

"What?"

"Caves! The desert caves! I forgot about the desert caves!" Seeing Kankuro smile at his brother's excitement, Gaara immediately sobered and said, "I would like you to get a team together to assist me just as a precaution."

Kankuro nodded, but said nothing. There was silence.

"_Now_, Kankuro."

"Now? We're going now?"

"There are only three caves they could have reached, even if they were ninja. It won't take long to inspect them all. So yes, Kankuro, we're going now."

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><p>Hideki observed her, his anger temporarily spent. He had even let Kazuo and Seiji take a turn using her for target practice. Her body was now littered with kunai and shuriken, so much of her blood on the floor that he was sure at any moment she would pass out. He had yet to quench his thirst for revenge, and so he only hoped she wouldn't die yet.<p>

Emi was flitting in and out of consciousness. Her subconscious created a separate world, a world where she was happy, loved, and—She awoke from this separate world with a start, the pain flooding back with reality, with the image of the Fifth Kazekage still freshly in her mind. Why was she thinking of him now, of all times? Why did her mind choose to add him? She let out another sigh.

So when she heard his voice, she believed it to be another trick of her mind.

"Kitamura…who did this to you?"

"Go away," she whispered. "I deserve this."

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><p>Gaara heard her whispered words and frowned, before turning his look of pure hatred to the three men holding her captive.<p>

"What have you done to Kitamura?" he asked, voice dangerously low.

Hideki laughed harshly. "Kitamura?" repeated the other man. "So you've actually succeeded in fooling them, Chieri? And here I thought you were a poor actress."

"Hand her over." Three Sand shinobi, including Kankuro, appeared behind Gaara.

"I take it you don't know who she really is," sneered Hideki, "or you wouldn't be so quick to come to her rescue. This girl is a liar and a murderer."

Gaara said nothing.

"She murdered my sister and even her own brother. She knows she is unworthy to walk this life any longer—she came with us willingly."

Gaara's sand began to stir, his anger spurring it on, and that was when Emi opened her eyes.

"Gaara."

Her voice wrapped melodiously around his name. His given name—not his title, not 'Kazekage-sama'—his _name_. Only the second time she'd ever spoken it, his surprise caused his attention to deviate from the three ninja.

"Don't kill him. He did nothing wrong."

He heard her words, but his mind stuck on the weak way she was speaking and the vast injuries that covered her body.

"Look at yourself, Kitamura," he snapped.

"I see myself. I don't care. He's right to do this to me. I killed her and nothing can bring her back to him. Nothing can bring him peace."

Before he could respond, Kazuo rashly stepped forward and said, "I don't know about you, Hideki, but I think we could take them."

He immediately went to strike at Gaara, but the Kazekage pulled sand from outside the mouth of the cave and the beefy male ninja was swallowed by it in a matter of moments. Seiji, calm as ever, simply walked up to one of the Sand ninja behind Gaara and said, "I'd rather not be killed over your revenge plan, Hideki. I surrender."

"I'm not going to rot in a Sand village jail while this murderer roams free," Hideki hissed, unwilling.

Gaara gave him a predatory glare. "You are rogues from the Village Hidden in the Mist, aren't you?"

"Maybe," scoffed Hideki. "So?"

"You will not rot in a Sand village jail. I will hand the two of you over to the Mizukage, to punish as she sees fit. The crime of a rogue is not my responsibility." His eyes narrowed severely. "However, for the crime of kidnapping and torturing a resident of my village, _I _will decide punishment, and I assure you it is a harsh one."

Hideki resumed his confident grin, pulling a kunai from Emi's body with which to arm himself and relishing in her slight whimper of pain. "What punishment will that be?"

Gaara's sand slithered up Hideki's body as the young man suddenly realized the danger he was in. The sand formed thickly around each of Hideki's arms, and as Gaara lifted his hand, Hideki's eyes went wide with sudden fear.

Gaara's fist clenched, ripping a pained scream from Hideki, who fell to the ground with his arms horribly crushed by the sand. "That."

Gaara nodded at the other Sand ninja behind him, who strode forward and lifted Hideki up by his throat. The two Sand jonin vanished with their prisoners, while Kankuro watched Gaara kneel by the injured girl.

"Kitamura," he said. "I didn't kill him."

"I know." She looked up at him, blood dripping over her eyelid from a particularly nasty slice across her forehead.

"You didn't deserve this."

A laugh gently shook her body. "In all fairness, you don't know me."

Then she passed out, and Gaara lifted her bridal style before quickly heading back to the village. She was in urgent need of medical care.

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><p>AN: alright, i'm gonna say this again: **review! **thank youu.


	8. Memory

A/N: this is the chapter where we learn about Emi's past! yaaaaay. (and seriously, i will cut off additional updates if i get no reviews :P) thanks to those of you reading and reviewing this!

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><p>Her entire body was bandaged as she lay in her hospital bed, looking fragile and broken. Gaara sat in a chair on the other side of the room, staring out the window at the sky. It was a better option than staring at the newly revealed ANBU tattoo on her right shoulder.<p>

He was waiting for her to wake up. He had been here for two days.

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><p>On the third day, Kankuro pulled him into the hallway and said, "What does this girl mean to you?"<p>

"Kankuro," said Gaara, eying his brother strangely. "I believe we've addressed this many times—"

"Yes, I know what you said, she's a puzzle and you want answers—" Kankuro waved that away. "That's bullshit and we both know it."

Gaara had no response for him, and Kankuro waited for him to crack first for a few minutes before giving up and blurting, "I thought you wanted to be happy."

"I am happy." It was said in such an uncaring way that Kankuro could have laughed.

"I saw how you reacted when you saw her like that. I saw how you reacted when all she did was say your name. You see it, don't you? She's your chance to be happy, Gaara. Happy in a way you haven't been able to achieve yet. You know that, and it scares you, and that's where these excuses are coming from."

"If I wanted to be psychoanalyzed, I would converse with Temari more often." Gaara opened the door of her hospital room and his eyes widened a miniscule amount. "She's awake."

* * *

><p>"You should have let him kill me. I was ready to die."<p>

He said nothing in response.

Her eyes were still closed. "You called me a resident of your village. Made you sound very noble. Much better than if you had told the truth and said, 'She hasn't told me about every facet of her life yet, so you can't kill her'."

His eyes narrowed slightly, but she continued in a bitter voice, "The doctor said I won't be able to leave for a day or two. There's no getting away from you. Ask your damned questions and leave."

At first, he felt a short stab of guilt, but he quickly pushed it to the back of his mind and said, "That man called you 'Chieri'. What is your name?"

She sighed and settled more comfortably on the pillow. "Emi Kitamura."

"Your _real _name," he clarified with a scowl.

"That is my real name. It's the only name I go by now. I refuse to be Chieri any longer."

"Who was Chieri then?"

"Chieri Isoya," said Emi, "was an ANBU from the Mist Village. Not a Hunter-nin. Regular run-of-the-mill."

"At fifteen?"

"Yes. Special Jonin at fourteen, ANBU at fifteen."

There was silence as Gaara waited. "Go on," he prodded.

"Relax." Her eyes remained closed. She took a few steady breaths. "She had a brother and a best friend, and in her duty to the village, she killed them." She squeezed her eyes shut even more and abandoned the third-person way of speaking. "I killed them."

Gaara's forehead creased in a frown. The other man had said that too. "Why?"

Emi's chest rose and fell with another heavy sigh. "Not today, Gaara," she whispered. "I'm tired." A tear slid swiftly down her cheek and vanished onto the pillow, so quickly he almost didn't see it. "Not today."

Gaara nodded and stood. As he left, he knew the only reason he hadn't pressed her further was because of the way she said his name.

* * *

><p>"<em>Chieri!"<em>

_A young girl, barely fifteen, turned her amber eyes to the owner of the voice. "Hello, Aya."_

_Another girl, taller with a waist-length brown braid and round, trusting brown eyes, stopped running to catch her breath. "Are you going on another mission, Chieri?"_

"_In a few hours. I was going to stop by the house and pack. Why?" Chieri reached back to put her own long hair in a ponytail, her short bangs hanging just slightly over her Mist Village headband._

"_I know that Special Jonin get sent on more dangerous missions than Chunin…" Aya sighed. "You've advanced so far ahead of me, Chieri. I just want you to be careful." The girl smiled brightly and let out a girlish giggle. "You're my best friend. So stay safe, okay?"_

_Chieri felt her lips curl upwards in response—the other girl's smile was infectious. It was part of her charm, a reminder of what cynical, sarcastic Chieri could never be: a sweet girl._

* * *

><p>"<em>You've been assigned a new mission? Already?" Her brother smiled at her, his green eyes sharp and intelligent. His hair was darker, more black than hers, and he was older by six years. She looked up to him. So did Aya. He watched her from the doorway as she packed her small standard issue backpack with the basics.<em>

_She nodded. "I'm to meet my new team in an hour."_

"_The Mizukage must be very impressed with you."_

"_I've…" She hesitated, aware that she wasn't supposed to tell anyone of her new position. "…been promoted."_

_Kaito raised an eyebrow. "To Jonin?"_

_She shook her head, tapped her right shoulder, and he caught on immediately._

"_I see." He strode over to her and kissed the top of her head. "Try not to get yourself killed. I know how you like to rush into fights without thinking."_

_Before he left the room, he said, "Mom and Dad would be proud of you."_

* * *

><p><em>She watched through her ANBU mask in shock, unable to move. She watched her brother shouting at her team about the injustices of the Mist Village. She watched her best friend, naïve Aya, stand trembling but firm beside him.<em>

"_My brother ran from this village," she said. Her brother had been a missing-nin for almost three years. "He ran to escape the oppression, and I will fight on his behalf to change the Mist."_

_Chieri's squad leader said something in return, but the ten ninja before them would hear none of their rationalizations. It didn't matter that the village was improving bit by bit under the new Mizukage._

_Chieri felt like a weakling as the battle began, even as her squad leader shouted her codename and ordered her assistance. She hung back, still as a statue, until one ninja attacked her. She batted him away, but his fist hit her face, and her mask clattered to the ground. Kaito was the first to notice as the last of her four-man ANBU team fell dead. There were four of the enemy left and only her. Aya noticed her next, gasping._

_Kaito went to her, began to preach his reasoning. "Chieri, come with us—"_

_She saw her ANBU mask and slowly knelt to pick it up._

"_Leave it, come—"_

"_And murder the Mizukage, brother?"_

_His face hardened. "If you cannot understand my decision, then you are not my sister."_

_She let her eyes drop to the bodies of her teammates and was reminded of her duty as his words wounded her deeply. She slipped the mask back onto her face. "Very well," she whispered._

_It was his life she took first, crying all the while, catching him off-guard by shoving her katana deep into his heart. The two others, a male and female rogue, fell victim first to her Temporary Paralysis Jutsu and then to her Giant Vortex Jutsu, and finally the only one left alive was Aya._

_She was staring at a slightly injured Chieri in shock and fear, but the fear blossomed and fueled her anger. "How could you kill your own brother?"_

_Tears were streaming down Chieri's cheeks. Her voice was weak as she answered numbly, "I have a duty to this village and to the Mizukage—"_

"_You're just as corrupt as they are," Aya suddenly spat. "We are taught that duty and the damn Mizukage are more important than our own friends, our own family, our own _selves_. The Mist breeds only killers, Chieri, and you've become one."_

"_How does that make you better than me?" Chieri whispered. "You want to end someone's life, _murder _someone—"_

"_To make the village better!"_

"_Through the murder of its leader! Don't you see how warped this is, Aya?"_

"_You could never understand, Chieri. Kaito understood. I hate you."_

_Chieri closed her eyes against more tears. "Aya, don't say that."_

"_It's the truth, Chieri. I've hated you for months, didn't you see? You were always so much more important than me to everyone, more skilled, more intelligent. You got promoted to Special Jonin while I was condemned to near bottom of the ranks. And now look at you! They've made you an ANBU, but I can fight better than you can, I know more jutsu. The only difference is, I don't want to kill. You never cared if you had to kill someone. You've become heartless, Chieri, and that's why I hate you." Aya lifted her hand, a kunai glinting in the moonlight. "I'll save you the trouble of killing me as well."_

"_Aya, no—" She reached for her friend, but too late._

_Her best friend collapsed, throat slit, and Chieri crumpled to her knees. She stayed there for almost an hour as it began to rain before crawling over to her best friend and closing the girl's eyes. Blood and rainwater were quickly soaking through her clothes and she removed her mask with shaking hands._

_Aya had been right about one thing: the Mist Village bred killers. The evidence was all around her. Death, distrust, lies, secrets—and the only solution people could come up with involved more death. The village had inadvertently cost her the two people most precious in her life. Battle had taken her parents, but this…this could have been avoided. She didn't blame the Mizukage. She didn't know who to blame, but it became clear to her the longer she sat and stared at their bodies that she could no longer live there. No longer could she bring herself to kill. No longer would she be a ninja._

_The rain had stopped by the time she had ceased crying, and when she stood her limbs felt strange. Foreign. She was numb._

* * *

><p>AN: see? she's not all powerful, doesn't have a typical cliche childhood, and had a duty-fulfillment complex! sheesh.

**review! **i might not get to put up another chapter for a few weeks, as i am going on a vacation in which i will purposely avoid technology in order to relax. so leave me plenty of reviews to come back to! :D_  
><em>


	9. Answers

When Emi woke up the second time, Gaara was leaning against the opposite wall. She focused on steadying her breathing as Gaara, whose arms were crossed as he stared at nothing, said, "You were crying."

Another deep breath. "Nightmare." She turned her head to look at him, and when his green eyes focused on her, she felt a small jolt of electricity. "What time is it?"

"Nine a.m.," answered Gaara. "If you're not feeling up to talking, I can come by later. I don't have anywhere to be."

"You're the Kazekage. How can you not have anywhere to be?"

"I told Kankuro to clear my schedule."

"You're the _Kazekage_."

Gaara grunted. "That's how he said it as well. I just told him to take care of anything that came up for the next few days."

She said nothing, simply made a small nod. The simple action made her flinch. Her entire body stung ferociously as a result of her injuries. "This is uncomfortable."

"What is?"

"My current position." She thought over her answer and then specified, "My literal position, the way I'm laying. Not the position regarding telling you everything about my past, although admittedly that's uncomfortable too."

"What about the way you're laying is uncomfortable?" He strode over to her quickly, face serious.

"There's nothing to be done about it, really. I can't move. It doesn't really matter, it's just that one pillow isn't enough—" Suddenly, something was lifting her. Gaara's sand moved underneath of her, lifting her gently in the air until she was hovering just inches above the bed, and Gaara retrieved another pillow and place it under her head before lowering her down just as gently. She blinked in surprise. "Thank you."

He nodded in acknowledgment. "Would you like to talk?"

"I don't have much of a choice." She chuckled hollowly.

"I can come back later," he suggested again.

"Might as well get it over with now." Inhale, exhale. "Ask."

He took his traditional seat beside her bed. "Why did you…Why did Chieri…" He stopped suddenly. _Should I still be pretending like Chieri is a whole other person?_

She seemed to sense his thoughts and said, "Just refer to it as me. It doesn't matter."

"Why did you kill your brother and best friend?"

"There was…an assassination attempt planned. A few ninja within our village had hired rogues to assist them. My team and I were sent to intercept them just outside of town on the day the assassination was to take place. There were ten of them, five more than anticipated, and only three ninja from our village. My brother, Kaito, was the leader of the group, and he had convinced my best friend Aya Nakano to join him. She'd always been…impressionable."

She shook her head, biting her lip. He watched in amazement. She seemed to be cold and sarcastic, but these memories obviously affected her. "I stayed out of the fight. I stayed back, like a coward, while my team and squad leader gave their lives. Four of the original group remained alive, including Kaito and Aya. My mask fell off and they saw who I was, but I didn't…I didn't believe in their cause the way they believed and they…cut their ties with me. I fulfilled my duty to the village and the Mizukage."

"Why did that man in the cave call you a murderer?"

"Aya was his little sister. He'd been a missing-nin from Kirigakure for about three years."

Gaara's eyes traced the contours of her face, her lips, her nose, her jaw line. He was committing it to memory. _Why? _he asked himself. "Surely the Mizukage didn't just allow you to leave after that."

"One of the rogues was a female of about my height and build. Her body was almost completely emaciated, and her face was…She was unrecognizable. I dropped my ANBU mask near her body and did a simple transforming jutsu to put her in my ANBU uniform, and I hoped that they would mistake her for me."

"I see."

"I don't think you do," she snapped suddenly. "If the Mizukage finds out I'm alive, she'll demand that I be returned to the Mist Village. I refuse to go back. I refuse to be a ninja—"

"You don't want to be a ninja?"

"No. I don't want to kill anymore."

Gaara's memory flashed. "You saved me from the Cloud ninja, you used jutsu and killed the one called Nari—"

"A special case," she grumbled, turning her head away from him.

"Why make such an exception?"

"I was…watching you." She avoided his gaze out of embarrassment. "I had dropped off Temari's dessert and saw the ninja planning to attack you. I know the Cloud Village has been creating some kind of chakra-draining technique by combining water-natured chakra with their jutsu, and I got…worried."

Gaara noticed immediately the lack of honorific after his sister's name and thought, _So that was part of the ruse. _Then, however, he realized what she had said and what it entailed. "You were worried about me?"

"Don't read too much into it," she said in a low voice.

He could see, however, that her cheeks were red. _She's…blushing?_

"The only time I have killed since leaving Kirigakure was to protect someone precious. The only time I will kill again is to protect someone precious."

_Someone…precious?_

"I am…precious to you?"

"You're precious to the village," she said.

"I see. You have an inner urge to protect authority, then. That's what got you in trouble in Kirigakure."

Shaking her head, she changed the subject and said, "Since I've told you everything, can I ask you a question?"

"No." When he saw the scowl form on her face, he relented. "What would you ask?"

"I just want to know why you…" She cleared her throat awkwardly. "When you called my into your office that night, why did you…"

He knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I mean, frankly we're talking about rape here."

"It wasn't rape!" he protested.

"Technically, I think it was."

"You were—" He stopped that sentence short. _I am _not _going to tell her she was wet. That sentence will not leave my mouth. _"You seemed to be…enjoying my method of interrogation. I hardly call that rape."

"A moment of weakness," she mumbled. "If it had been anyone else, I would have thrown you off of me and probably cut _it_ off. If you know what I mean."

"I'm the exception then?" A strange kind of playful smirk tugged at his lips. He felt oddly…giddy at their banter. He'd never felt this way before.

"Yes." A blush shot up her cheeks. "Wait! No! Not like that!"

"Then like what?" The smirk was fully formed on his face, a devilish look in his eyes and a teasing tone to his deep voice—a tingle shot straight up her spine. "I don't affect you at all, then?"

She pushed away what she was feeling and bit out, "Well, now you have all the answers about my life. I'm sure whatever interest you hold for me will fade soon enough."

Teasing gone, Gaara began to frown. "Are you going to continue to pretend?"

"Of course I am!" she said. "You knowing makes no difference. I want a new life and I am going to have it!"

"It must get tiring being two different people at once," Gaara remarked. He stood up. "When you are in the mood to be yourself, come see me. We can talk."

"I have no more secrets for you to—"

"I know."

Without another word, he left.

* * *

><p>Kankuro intercepted him in the hallway of the hospital. "I know you said to take care of everything, Gaara, but you really can't pass off your Kage responsibilities—"<p>

"I apologize, Kankuro. I will handle it again. My business here is finished."

"Finished?" Kankuro blinked. "Already?"

"Yes."

As Gaara began to walk away, Kankuro jogged up alongside him. "You got everything out of her? You know who she is? She told you?"

"Yes, Kankuro. She did."

"So that's it?" Kankuro stared at the redhead with wide, surprised eyes. "You don't care about her anymore? The puzzle's solved?"

"Yes, I no longer care."

Kankuro watched his brother's retreating back in shock. _What just happened?_

* * *

><p>Emi lay awake, staring at the ceiling from the moment that he left her hospital room. The doctor came in, told her they would be releasing her the next day, and she simply nodded. Her mind was on other things.<p>

She barely knew him. She barely knew him, and their every interaction had been him struggling to get information from her or threatening to kill her. Yet…he had been so…_angry _when she'd been taken captive. He couldn't have been that angry merely because he wanted answers, could he?

She supposed that only time would tell if he actually…cared. Sure, he had volunteered to speak with her at any time, but he was Kazekage. That was essentially part of his job. If he didn't come around anymore, it meant he had only cared about the answers.

As the pain dulled and she was able to cautiously move her body, she slowly shifted herself onto her side and tried to force herself to sleep. She told herself over and over that it didn't matter if he never spoke to her again.

* * *

><p><em>"It must get tiring trying to be two people at once. When you are in the mood to be yourself, come see me."<em>

Gaara sighed, running a hand through his hair in a very uncharacteristic manner. What in the name of Kami had possessed him to say that? He must have sounded like a complete idiot.

* * *

><p>Kankuro was the next to enter her room, mere minutes after Gaara. He took in her expression slowly—a mixture of depression and anger. It was a major shock to see a look like that on a face that had previous displayed only smiles.<p>

"Kitamura-san?"

Her eyes flew open. "Kankuro-sama! I—"'

He held up his hand. "Gaara told me, Kitamura-san. You don't have to pretend."

"I can't…"

"You're tired, aren't you? Don't worry about putting on an act for me. I won't tell anyone. You can continue pretending after this conversation if you like."

"I see."

Kankuro didn't come any farther into the room, just hovered by the door. "What did Gaara say?"

"Say?" she asked, brow creasing. "Nothing. He just…I answered his questions."

"Is that all you said to him?"

"Yes." She turned her head to him, frowning deeper. "Why do you ask?"

"What do you think of him?"

Her eyes narrowed, anger overshadowing depression and confusing. "What purpose does that question serve?"

"You don't care for him. I can see that. At least cut him some slack. He really doesn't mean to be a dick around you. It just sort of happens."

"Lucky me."

"Heh." He chuckled. "Yeah. Lucky you. Just try to understand. He's still unsure of how to deal with people, and it's at its worst with you."

"Why?"

"I can't in good brotherly conscience tell you that. It's up to him."

* * *

><p>AN: well, as you can see I am back from vacation. not really, i'm actually still on vacation but i had to use a friend's computer to check my email about something very important and i figured why not check on this? not many reviews. i'm starting to give up hope on breaking 50, even after this is finished. there's just not enough reviewers. the M rating is probably scaring them away. oh well.

i had this chapter already uploaded onto the site, so i figured i'd add it for your amusement!

anyway, those of you still alive out there, thanks for reviewing and continue to do so. it makes me smile and i'll give you something shiny.

bribery. always a good way to go.


	10. Fever

A/N: back from vacation! hello all my lovelies!

anywho. towards the very very end of this chapter (actually, the last few paragraphs or so and that's it) are again a teeny little bitty of explicit-y.

brief mentions of sexual encounter.

not full-blown lemon (yet?)

honestly, if you're surprised that i put this in here, you need to check the rating again. M for a reason, baby! :D

don't you love how i can integrate something quote unquote "dirty" into my plot? i find it quite fun, actually.

* * *

><p>There was a knock on the door two days later—two days in which Gaara had completely ignored having to do anything with Emi, going so far as to lock himself away in the Kazekage's building again. "Come in."<p>

Kankuro came into his room, hands in his pockets. "I'm surprised," said the puppet master. "You're in your rooms instead of your office."

"I couldn't stand it any longer. I felt like I was suffocating," said Gaara in a growling voice.

Kankuro put a hand on his brother's forehead, just a quick gesture. "You're warm. You might have a fever."

_Of course I do._

"Relax for a day, why don't ya?" Kankuro grinned. "Maybe I'll order you some food later just to make sure you eat."

Gaara glared at the insinuation that he didn't feed himself.

"Kitamura-san was released from the hospital yesterday."

Gaara merely nodded. Kankuro gave his brother a steady look.

"She's already back at work."

Gaara's head snapped up at that. _Are you kidding? She doesn't give herself enough rest!_

"All of her customers are fawning over her now, the village is atwitter about her kidnapping." Kankuro chuckled lightly. "Temari said that Kitamura-san has even had some male company crawl out from the woodwork."

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Gaara's fists clenched instantly.

Kankuro noticed with a sly grin. "Does that bother you, Gaara?"

"No," he said through gritted teeth. "Excuse me, Kankuro. I suddenly remembered I have to do something."

* * *

><p>It was getting harder to keep that damn smile plastered on her face every minute of every damn day. Emi found herself increasingly short-tempered, and it took all her concentration to remain the smiley, bubbly girl this village now expected. She was wiping down a table when she felt a familiar presence behind her. <em>Gaara?<em>

She turned, saw the shock of red hair, and began to bow. "Kazekage-sama—" Her greeting was cut short as he roughly grabbed her arm and started to tow her out of the shop. He didn't stop until they'd reached an alleyway, where he whirled around to face her and said, "Who approached you?"

"What?"

"Who was it? Tell me and I'll dismember them—"

"What are you talking about?"

"You told Temari about males who now find you interesting." His voice was deeply animalistic. It scared her and, though she didn't want to admit it, it kind of turned her on.

_Don't think about that! _

"I—"

"Who…are…they?"

"Why do you care?" she asked, completely lost. "So a couple of guys hit on me, why is it such a big—"

Suddenly, he was pinning her against the alley wall, his hands on either side of her face and his eyes staring deeply into hers. "They are unworthy of your time, Kitamura. You are a jewel to be admired, not a fallen flower to be picked up and tossed away. They can offer you nothing."

"All they did was flirt, I didn't agree to _marry_ them," she protested. "And they're only doing it because I'm interesting at the moment, I'm not even pretty, in a week everything will calm down and—" Her eyes widened. "Are you…jealous?"

He pushed his body against her, his breath hot and heavy on her neck as his lips hovered inches above it. He moved his head, breath ghosting along her skin as his mouth followed her jaw line, went up to her forehead, back to her neck on the other side, and then the sensitive shell of her ear. All the while, he never actually touched his lips to her.

She closed her eyes as the sensations washed over her. _I don't understand_. Her hands gripped his maroon shirt, and she realized then that he wasn't wearing his Kage robes. He groaned at the feeling of her small hands tugging at his shirt, and his tongue snaked out, licking a trail up from her pulse point to her earlobe, which he gently took between his teeth. Her response was immediate.

"Gaara!" she cried, taken aback and unable to stop herself from arching against him. In a light rush of wind, he was off of her, his back pressed firmly against the opposite alley wall.

They both stood, panting, and staring at each other for quite a while. Finally, Emi looked away first.

"I have to get back to work," she said, swiping her bangs out of her face and lowering her head.

She didn't notice Gaara shaking with anger, and once she had left, he reached out harshly and put his fist through the wall.

* * *

><p>"There's something wrong with me," murmured Gaara hours later.<p>

Kankuro wrung out the washcloth, dipped it in the water, and wrung it again before placing it on his brother's forehead. "Yeah, I know. You have a fever."

"No, not that." Gaara's eyes were closed as he laid shirtless on his bed, feeling sick. "When you told me about Kitamura…I got jealous."

His older brother's obtained an amused smile. "I realized that from your reaction when I told you."

"I have no right to get jealous."

"Maybe you have more right than you think." There was a knock at the door, and Kankuro stood to answer it.

Gaara recognized the voice almost immediately.

"Sabiki-sensei is very good with homeopathic recipes…He said this herbal tea would be good for a fever." There was a slight hesitation in the female voice. "How is he?"

"He's not very bad," answered Kankuro. "But the tea, I'm sure, will make him feel better. Thank you for bringing it."

"Of course, Kankuro-sama."

"Stay."

Gaara's voice surprised them all.

"Kazekage-sama?"

"Stay, Kitamura."

"I couldn't possibly…"

"Kankuro, leave."

Kankuro raised an eyebrow, but said to Emi, "I'm afraid there's no point in arguing, Kitamura-san. Perhaps a woman's care will heal him faster."

She didn't miss the knowing smirk, however, as he exited the room and left the two alone. She took the seat Kankuro had previously been sitting in.

"You're such a hothead," she said. "Literally. You went and gave yourself a fever. Nice job, Gaara."

She stood up to get the tea and brought it over to him. Before she could help him sit up, however, he said, "Say it again."

She frowned. "Say what again?"

"My name." Gaara licked his dry lips. "Say my name again."

She felt her face begin to flush. "Maybe that fever is worse than Kankuro thought. You're not making any sense. Here, drink this."

Emi lifted the small bowl to his lips and he drank obediently. She put the bowl down, turned away from him. "You should rest, get lots of sleep—"

A too-warm body stood behind her, hands covering her wrists, forehead resting against her shoulder. She could feel the perspiration of his hot body—_hot because of his temperature, _she scolded herself mentally.

"I apologize," he said heavily, "if I've overstepped any boundaries in the past. I apologize ahead of time, for I'm sure I will continue to do so in the future. My self-control is…not at its best around you."

_What would happen if he were to lose control?_

Emi shivered, both in slight fear and in lust, an embarrassing emotion to feel towards the redhead.

"I feel how you react to me," Gaara continued. His hands traveled up her arms to her shoulders, and he gently pulled the sleeves of her kimono-style dress off until her shoulders were bare. Her body was tense as he did so, but as his fingers floated over her skin she felt herself relaxing. "I _feel _what your body does when I touch you like this. It's…intoxicating."

"This fever might be serious. I think you're hallucinating." She swallowed as her body began to betray her and her memory turned to the night in his office.

He placed his searing lips to her skin, across both shoulders and each side of her neck, and she felt herself lean into him with a breathy sigh. Encouraged and confident, he pulled the sleeves of her dress down farther, nearly exposing her breasts in the process. That seemed to have been his plan all along as one hand moved up painfully slowly until it slipped under the fabric and cupped her soft flesh. She arched into his hand as he experimented, trying to find the movement that would elicit the reaction he wanted—

A sharp inhale and thrust of her hips showed him what she liked as he continued to roll her nipple between his thumb and index finger.

"Mmm…" She reached behind and grasped onto the fabric of his black pants as he began to roll his hips against her instinctually. She could feel _him._

His other hand slid downward, pressing against her soaked underwear, and upon feeling her wetness he let out a loud groan. "There's no denying me now, Kitamura. You can't hide how I affect you."

Abruptly, she came to her senses and stepped away from him, hurrying to fix herself. When she turned around, Gaara's expression was openly hurt. _He's not himself. This would be a mistake. _"You're unwell, Gaara," she said quietly. "Rest."

She pushed him gently back onto the bed in an attempt to get him to lay down, but he ground out, "No," and pulled her down with him.

"I want you."

_Blunt. _She shuddered again, but stayed firm. "Rest, Gaara." She pushed on his chest, and he laid flat, exhausted. She placed the cool washcloth back on his forehead, and the sick teen boy was asleep in a matter of minutes.

* * *

><p>AN: oh how i love writing about sexy Gaara...anyways. xD please spur on my good mood and **REVIEW! **thanks in advance :D


	11. Kiss

His condition stayed the same—not better, not worse—for the remainder of the next day. Emi's concern grew, however, as he slept the entire time. She called off of work and requested that Kankuro pick up another batch of Sabiki's tea.

"The people in this village get the same kind of fever as a common illness, like Suna's own version of a cold," Kankuro reassured her with a smile when he saw how panicked she was. "It could be a whole lot worse. Sabiki-san's tea is helping. He should be fine by tomorrow. Don't worry, Kitamura-san."

But she did worry. She fretted over him, making sure she was keeping his temperature down as much as she could. It took her nearly the whole day to realize something: she was worried that she was going to lose someone precious again.

_When did he become _my _'someone precious'? He's precious to the village, not…not to me…_

That was a lie.

She fell asleep kneeling by the bed with her arms folded beneath her head.

* * *

><p>Gaara awoke with something soft brushing his fingers. He groaned slightly as he stirred from his deep sleep, but other than a headache, he felt fine. His gaze traveling down, he realized what the soft thing was against his hand—Emi's hair. She was asleep, slumped at an awkward looking angle, with her head resting on the edge of the bed. Her hair was splayed out over his fingertips. He touched the soft strands gently.<p>

_When did Kitamura get here?_

He dimly remembered her delivering tea, but his memory from that point on was a blur. _She must have stayed…_

Jarred by his movement, the young girl opened her eyes sleepily. "Gaara…?" she murmured, voice quiet and drowsy. She turned her face to him, eyes closing again momentarily, and his outstretched fingers brushed against her cheek accidentally. Then suddenly, her eyes flew open. "You're awake."

"Yes," he answered.

"Thank Kami," she muttered under her breath before she could stop herself, half hoping he didn't catch it. He did. "How are you feeling?" She stood up, reaching for a small bowl on his bedside table. As she reached over, she placed the back of her other hand on his forehead. "You don't feel warm anymore. Here, drink the rest of this just to be safe."

"You're ordering me around," he observed candidly.

"I'm just taking care of you!"

"And I'm simply trying to figure out your personality. There is no need to get defensive, Kitamura." He sat up in bed, drinking the last of the tea and only now noticing its bitter taste. He quite liked it.

She sat down on the corner of the bed, watching him carefully. "What have you figured out so far?"

He met her eyes. "For starters, Emi Kitamura does not make direct eye contact."

"I made eye contact with you on the day we met."

"Yes, and you expect me to believe that you are always one-hundred percent flawlessly in character at all times?" Gaara shook his head. "Is there any more tea?"

"I think you should eat something instead," she said, standing up. "I'll go get you something."

"You're not curious as to what else I've figured out?"

Her smile turned mischievous. "Our positions have switched, Gaara. Now _you_ are the weakened one who cannot get away from _me_. You can answer when I return."

* * *

><p>She returned soon after with an armful of groceries, which Gaara eyed warily from the bed.<p>

"I was under the impression you were going out to get something to eat."

Emi rolled her eyes. "In case you didn't notice, this is food. Can you move to the kitchen? We can talk there while I cook."

He followed her into the kitchen, frowning at her back. She seemed to notice and said, "Yes, that's right, I know how to cook. Contain your amazement please. I had to learn when I was younger. Kaito knew how to take care of me, but living on instant ramen and barbecue from a restaurant down the street was not ideal. Not to mention Sabiki has been teaching me to cook." She looked over her shoulder as he settled into a kitchen chair. "Don't think for a single second that I'm domesticated. I would make a terrible wife."

"This wasn't necessary."

"I saw what was in your fridge. A container of salted tongue and milk. Is that all you eat?" She unpacked the groceries and added, "Are you going to finish telling me what you've figured out?"

He observed her as she began cooking for him. "You're sarcastic."

"Obviously."

"You prefer to be alone and dislike large crowds of people, but you've been able to make bonds in the past," he said, beginning to list. "The events in Kirigakure affected you more than you like to let on, and I'm willing to bet that that's the only thing you've cried over aside from maybe your parents' death. You're a strong individual. You like to act cold and collected, but you tend to ramble when you are upset or at a loss. You don't trust easily. You're stubborn."

"Intolerably so," she replied merrily.

"You're loyal and protective, and I'm sure that your talents as a kunoichi would be best utilized in a position as a bodyguard. Unlike the character you've created in Emi Kitamura, you have no real respect for authority anymore and care not for formal honorifics, even to a village elder. You refer to me using my given name." _Which I quite enjoy._

She nodded, smiling. "Chieri Isoya sounds like a bitch."

"She sounds as insufferable as Temari can be sometimes," Gaara mumbled. _Are all women like that?_

"And Emi Kitamura? Your opinion of her is…?"

"She's annoying and frustrating. Actually, no matter which girl you pretend to be, you're frustrating."

"That sounds about right." She stirred something in a pot. "How did you know I was lying, when you first met me?"

Gaara's face betrayed no particular emotion. "Your eyes."

Emi glanced at him sideways, observing him carefully. _Does he remember what he did the other night?_

_"I want you."_

Tingles ran up her spine. Her mind wandered, and before she knew it, she had burned her hand. "Ow! Damn!"

She ran it under cold water in the sink, but she could tell already it was a bad burn. _Damn it, Gaara. _After all, it was his fault. She was only ever distracted when she thought of him!

"Are you alright, Kitamura?"

"I'm fine, I just burned myself." He was by her side in an instant, and when she saw him she bristled immediately. "Go sit down! You're still recovering from a fever, don't exert yourself—" Her sentence was interrupted as he took her hand, peering closely at the blistering skin. "What are you…"

"I have some balm that can help that." He left the room, returning with a small jar.

"Gaara, really, I'm fine…"

He smeared the balm over her burn, bandaging it with a small roll he had also retrieved from his room. When it was finished, however, he did not let go. His thumb lightly stroked the bandaged hand, but when he realized what he was doing he dropped it quickly.

"Gaara," she said. "About what you…said to me the other night…"

He looked surprised, black-lined eyes going wide. "If I said anything inappropriate while you were here, Kitamura, I apologize, but I can't remember. What had I said?"

_He doesn't remember. _Emi shook her head, stepping away from him. "Nothing. It doesn't matter." She faced the stove once more, stirring the pot's contents. "I'm making gizzard soup. I stopped by to inform Kankuro that you were awake, but he said he'd come see you later and alerted me to the fact that there are few foods you like, and that if I wanted you to eat, I should serve you gizzard and salted tongue. I assume those are your favorites? Seeing as you have been living on nothing but salted tongue, however…"

"Very thoughtful, Kitamura. Thank you."

She nearly froze up again. This was the first time he had said thank you to her, the first time he had actually been honestly _pleasant _with her. She felt heat creep up her neck but tried to calm down, determined not to blush.

_She's lying again, _thought Gaara, staring at the back that was turned to him. _I must have said something. I just hope it wasn't _too _highly inappropriate…_

* * *

><p>Gaara stared at the chunks in his soup that most certainly were <em>not <em>pieces of gizzard.

Emi sat opposite him at the table, her gaze narrowing with each passing second as he stared instead of ate. "For Kami's sake, Gaara, they're _vegetables_."

He poked at them with an apprehensive face.

"You don't eat many vegetables, do you? It's a wonder you're not sick more often…"

She watched him while he made a face and ate. She was looking at the love kanji on his forehead, at his green eyes, at his chiseled features and cut abs…He was still shirtless. She remembered the feel of his body against hers. She remembered his actions as he touched her until she reached her orgasm. He was forceful and strange and stubborn and agitating and…_And I actually really like him._

_Shit._

"You seem to be…warming up to me," she said.

"I could say the same about you."

"That's because you're not being an ass to me anymore. How's the soup?"

"Very good. Thank you."

_The second thank you in an hour. New record. _For a moment, there was a comfortable silence. He sat back once he finished the soup, and then they simply stared at each other, each waiting for the other to break the silence.

"Why do you stare at me?" asked Gaara.

"Why do you stare at _me_?"

"I'm trying to figure you out."

"No," she said, leaning on her arm. "You already figured me out. I've told you everything, you have my personality nearly down to a T. If that was it, you would have lost interest in me. Instead, you…got jealous."

"What about you? Why do you stare?" He didn't look away from her amber eyes.

"Because I…" _I'm attracted to you. _"Nothing."

"You're hiding something again."

"No, I'm…"

"When will you ever learn to stop lying to me, Emi?"

She stood up abruptly, nearly knocking the chair backwards and began to head for the door. Gaara stared after her, confused.

_What did I…?_

"I should go," she said.

"No."

"Yes." She turned the doorknob.

"What did I do?"

"You…You called me Emi."

_I did. _

"What does that mean, Gaara?"

He stood up. "It means you are no longer Kitamura to me. Why are you so upset by that? Did I do something inappropriate yesterday?" he asked again.

"The day before," she all but whispered. "When your fever first started. You…tried to have sex with me. You said you wanted me. I knew it was just the fever and you didn't remember—"

"That doesn't mean it was a lie," he said in surprise.

"Wha—" She was cut off as he appeared behind her once again and placed his hand over hers to close the door. Hesitating just a moment, he thought about flipping the lock. _That would just freak her out._

"I want to remember. Help me remember. Then I will be able to tell you if I was truthful or not."

She turned around to face him, performing the necessary hand signs. "Time Reversal Jutsu."

She waited, watching his face, and suddenly as the jutsu ended he bent his head until his face rested beside hers.

_So that is what I said, _he thought. _It took a fever to bring that out of me._

"I do want you," he said, inhaling the scent of her hair. "I want to touch you, feel you. I don't want any man looking at you. Is it so wrong to be attracted to you?"

"I'm nothing special. I'm not the prettiest or the smartest, and you're the Kazekage. Won't everyone be expecting you to go for the best in your village?"

"You made yourself special. You don't have to be the prettiest or the smartest. You intrigue me, and that's enough."

She scrutinizing to see if he was telling the truth. "Then kiss me."

He stared at her. "I've never kissed a girl before."

"Now's as good a time to start as ever. If you want me to believe you, kiss me."

"Why would I lie?"

"I don't know. Kissing is a more emotionally involved action than sex. Kissing means you care in some way. So kiss me."

"Are you prepared for the consequences should I be unable to stop?" he asked, voice gravelly.

She shuddered the way he knew she would in reaction to his voice. "Yes."

He chuckled lightly, fingers again softly touching her hair. "You don't have any weaknesses, do you? Torture doesn't scare you, death doesn't scare you, rape doesn't scare you…"

"Rape scares me," she corrected. "_You _don't scare me."

His mouth hovered above hers, unsure of what to do, but she waited patiently. She wanted him to kiss her first.

"Go with your instincts," she added helpfully. "Have they ever failed you before?"

_No. _He kissed her.

* * *

><p>AN: i seem to have hit a temporary snag in the writing of this haha. i will get another chapter out as soon as i can, but this is something to tide you over and as a reward for getting four reviews in less than twelve hours, which is by the way a new record. :D thanks everyone! keep on reviewing! 


	12. Matchmaker

A/N: still not a lemon yet. repeat. not lemon. xD be patient with me, guys, i have a story to tell.

* * *

><p>Their first kiss was rough, needy, and lust-filled, causing a quick gasp from her which he used to instinctually slip his tongue inside of her mouth. As he groaned fiercely into the kiss, he thought, <em>Why haven't I done this earlier?<em>

He abandoned all discomfort with contact as his hands roamed her entire body and she allowed him. The kiss left both breathless, but he refused to stop for air, instead moving down to her neck when she pushed gently away in need of oxygen. As his hands slid themselves under her dress to play with her nipples, she let out a low moan and pushed on him again, harder.

"Don't stop me now," he moaned, reattaching himself to her lips.

"I just—" His mouth interrupted her sentence. "We need to—" And again. Finally, with an impatient noise, she simply uttered, "Bedroom."

He understood immediately—if this was going to continue, she didn't want it continuing in his kitchen. They stumbled to his bedroom, desperate for their lips to remain connected, until they collapsed on the bed in a tangled mess of limbs with him on top. He pulled so hard on her dress that it nearly ripped, uttering a low, guttural growl from deep in his throat. He wanted more of her skin, less of her clothing—

"Gaara? How are you feeling?"

"Shit!" hissed Emi. Gaara was so stunned that he actually allowed himself to be pushed off of her as she scrambled to rearrange herself. She covered her face with her hand, heart beating rapidly, and tried in vain to calm her breathing.

Kankuro poked his head in, smiling. "Ah! So he's on his feet! I appreciate this very much, Kitamura-san, I was never much of a nurse."

"Of course, Kankuro-sama," she lowered herself into a bow to hide her flushed cheeks, "but if you don't mind, I have already missed two days of work. Sabiki-sensei will be livid if I miss another."

"Of course! Don't let me keep you."

The dark purple-haired girl left in a hurry, leaving Gaara to glare at his older brother.

"That's not a nice face," said Kankuro, flinching. "Did I interrupt…something?"

"You most certainly did."

"What were you and Kitamura-san…doing?"

"If you must know." _He's going to get very smug once I tell him…Can't be helped, he will find out eventually…and I could use a bit of advice… _"I kissed Kitamura."

* * *

><p>Emi couldn't stand it. Everything was suddenly stifling. The cheery, polite, eternally smiling persona she put on as a front for the villagers was annoying the shit out of her. She was actually annoying <em>herself. <em>It hadn't been a problem before, had never ever been a problem...until now. Now she had to force herself to stop and think over her responses in conversation, rein in and bottle the sarcasm that bubbled forth. All because of that rash, hot-blooded redhead who had ignored her for two solid days—_Don't cry. Crying is useless. What did you expect?  
><em>

"Emi-chan?"

Emi blinked and adopted a guilty expression, forced of course. "I'm sorry, Temari-sama, what did you say?"

Temari raised an eyebrow, seated by herself at the small sweet shop. Emi now worked almost obsessively, using it to try and distract herself, and had abruptly requested of Sabiki to begin the cooking training he had flippantly promised when she was first hired. She hardly left the shop.

"This is the second time you've missed my order, Emi-chan," said Temari. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, Temari-sama," Emi responded quickly. Then she silently scolded herself—_too quickly, _she thought.

Indeed, Temari obtained a suspicious but oddly gleeful glint in her eye. "It's a boy, isn't it?"

The admittedly accurate accusation caused Emi to noticeably jump. Temari nodded and said, "Sit."

"I'm working, Temari-sama..." _I don't want to talk about this at all._

"I'm the sister of the Kazekage." _Exactly. _"If Sabiki has a problem with it, he'll have to address me. And you tell me if he punishes you after I leave."

Emi nodded mutely, partly in her character but mostly just caught off guard and obviously uncomfortable, and sat down opposite Temari. Immediately, the blonde girl leaned forward and said, "Tell me."

"How did you know?" Emi asked.

"Boys have been paying you an awful lot of attention since your abduction. Most of them will settle down of course but a few are guaranteed to stick around. You're too cute for that not to happen, Emi-chan." Temari smiled, bright and wide. "I didn't think you were interested in any of them though. You never acted any differently with them—"

"I'm not," Emi interrupted, irked at the feeling of a blush creeping up her cheeks. "I mean..."

"There's definitely a guy," the other girl stated confidently. "What's he like? Do I know him?"

_Quite well_, _actually_. Emi bit her lip. "He's..." _An ass. An kiss-and-run ass. Who happens to be the Kazekage. What guy in their right mind wants a split-personality chick like me anyway? It's not his fault. It's mine. _"I shouldn't like him. I'm…" _Not good enough for him._

"You're what?"

"I am…People will expect him to choose from the best."

"And you don't think you're in that category?"

"I know I'm not, Temari-sama."

"What's he like?"

She bit the inside of her cheek, as biting her lip again would be too obvious to the other girl. "He's…confident. And rash. And so, _so _stubborn. He's frustrating, and he doesn't care what most people think, but I know that their opinion of him matters if it's negative. He's so confusing, and he used to be such a jerk and he's just so…" _He's just so Gaara._

"Does he like you?"

Emi paused, mulling it over. She thought about the kiss. She thought about how he hadn't said a word to her since then. "I don't...I don't know."

"Who is he?" Temari was grinning. "I could try to find out for you—"

"Temari-sama!"

"Okay, okay, I won't," Temari placated, but Emi could see in her eyes she was lying. Her stomach shifted uneasily, and she went back to work.

* * *

><p>"Emi-chan likes someone!" Temari announced giddily as she entered the room.<p>

Kankuro was standing close enough to Gaara to notice what his sister didn't—that the redhead stiffened up immediately after those words left her lips. _The same way as when I told him Kitamura-san was getting male attention._

"Why should this be important to us, Temari?" said Gaara, attempting to remove the tightness from his voice. He failed horribly, but Temari didn't notice, and soon after the young Kazekage had regained control. "I'm very busy."

"That's funny, considering how interested you were a few days ago." Temari's smile never faltered. "I'm not going to let you ruin this for me, sourpuss."

When Gaara's eyes narrowed dangerously on 'sourpuss', Kankuro stepped into the conversation. "Temari, we're guys and we barely know Kitamura-san. Why are you telling us this?"

"_Because_, Kankuro," she said, speaking as though it were obvious, "you know the guys of Suna better than I do. If I describe the guy Emi-chan talked about, you could probably tell me who he might be."

"She told you about him?"

"Naturally, Kankuro."

"You strong-armed her into it, didn't you?"

"That is completely irrelevant," she stated. "Anyway, she said he was frustrating, so he's probably got a personality either very opposite hers or very similar. Nothing in between."

Kankuro snuck a side glance at his brother. _Either way, that sounds about right. Opposite of Kitamura-san, same as who she used to be._

"She said that he was confident and generally quiet. The silent confidence type."

"That's a type?"

"Kankuro, really, are you even paying attention?"

_Are you? _thought Kankuro. _It's so obviously your brother. _Gaara, however, seemed to be just as oblivious to that fact as Temari, and looked up from the mission report he'd been staring at to snap, "Why is it necessary for you to know, Temari?"

"If she meets a guy, she'll be so much happier. She has to be lonely, she only talks to her customers. I think I'm really her only non-work-related friend. She always _acts _happy but never really _seems _happy."

_That might be the most perceptive thing you've said in this whole conversation. _Kankuro sighed and addressed his sister. "That's not really specific enough, Temari. I don't have the personality of every male in Suna memorized. Did she say what he looks like?" _Obviously not or you wouldn't be asking me._

"No," said Temari with a pout. "She's being very secretive about the whole thing."

"Then I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you should hold off trying to be matchmaker for a bit."

* * *

><p>AN: i want you to care about my character and the couple before i add anything super explicit. sillies :P please review! show momma some love!


	13. Avoidance

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe Sabiki had actually sent her home. Mr. Work-Until-Your-Fingers-Bleed-Or-I'll-Fire-You, Mr. You-Never-Work-Hard-Enough, had sent her _home_ with half of the workday left. It was unheard of.

So here she was, desperately trying to find a distraction—a distraction from who she was, who she had to be, and who she was avoiding. That's why, when Kankuro entered her apartment, he was hit by a variety of scents originating from her kitchen.

Every available surface was covered with plates of food. Desserts, entrees, snacks, but mostly sweets. Emi saw Kankuro and froze like a criminal caught in the act.

"Um, Sabiki has been teaching me new recipes and tricks and I just wanted to practice them, Kankuro...sama..."

He held up his hand to stop her as her sentence trailed off. "Relax, we're alone and I know, remember? You can just be yourself."

Emi snorted, dropping the act almost immediately. It was an unexpected relief. "Does anyone really know how to be themselves?"

"Sometimes." He gestured around. "What's with the feast?"

"I wasn't lying. I'm practicing. Why are you here?"

"Direct. So this is the real Kitamura-san."

"Just Kitamura is fine. I really don't care much for honorifics. I'll ask again. Why pay me a visit, Kankuro?"

"Temari was telling us about you describing a guy that sounded very similar to my brother, and earlier Gaara had told me that he kissed you. Which brings me to my next point: what are your intentions with Gaara?"

"My intentions," she repeated incredulously. When he nodded, she muttered, "Incredible."

"Hm?"

"You're protective of your brother, concerned I'll do something to hurt him. Did the alternative ever cross your mind?"

Kankuro frowned, and she snorted again. "Your brother has harassed me, stalked me, and made it impossible for me to live the life I came to this village for. He has avoided me for two days since he kissed me, and he has given no reason for it. Yet you're not even concerned that what's happening could hurt _me_, you're worried that I could hurt _him._"

"He doesn't know what to do in social situations—"

"Tell him, then. Inform him that he is screwing this up, and tell him to come talk to me himself when he figures out what the fuck he wants." She poured curry out of a pot onto a plate of rice and added, "Now, make yourself useful before you leave and taste this for me. I invented the recipe and there might not be enough spice."

* * *

><p>That night, Emi sat on her roof and stared at the moon. It was full, round and bright, and no other stars could be seen. The desert wind blew her bangs into her eyes.<p>

"You should cut those."

She shouldn't have been surprised to hear his voice, but she was.

"Your bangs," Gaara clarified when she didn't answer.

"I know what you meant." She looked sideways at him. He stood on the opposite end of her roof. "I thought you were avoiding me."

"I could see you from my office. If you want me to leave, I will."

"Avoidance was working quite well for us." _Sarcasm._

"Kankuro told me he spoke to you today. About me."

"You're not addressing my statements."

"You're not addressing mine either."

"Why did you ignore me?"

"Kankuro suggested that I should cool off for a few days before attempting to approach you about it again."

She stared at him incredulously and he added, "He told me today after he saw you that I should have informed you of what I was doing instead of completely ignoring you."

There was a long, pregnant silence, until Emi finally said, "Who are you?"

"Sabaku no Gaara."

"Don't tell me your name. Tell me who you _are_. You can't, can you? You're more confused than I am. At least I know when I'm being Emi and when I'm being Chieri. You just seem to give the same name no matter how you act. Cold and stern: Gaara. Passionate and obsessive: Gaara. Dangerous and unpredictable: Gaara. You can't be all of those things. So who are you?"

"Why can't I be all of those things?"

"You just _can't_ that's why!"

"Maybe it's just you who can't," he said quietly.

Then he was right in front of her, and he tilted his head and kissed her. For her, it was another reminder that he was inexperienced; while the kiss wasn't shy by any means, it came with strange timing. Who wants to be kissed in the middle of this conversation? Especially after a comment like that.

When he pulled away from her, he was frowning. "You aren't reacting. Is there someone else? Temari said you were speaking to her about someone—"

"Gaara, what does it matter? How is that important?"

"It matters to me, and that makes it important."

"You didn't seem like the type to care what people thought of you."

He was calm but firm when he spoke, another example of how complex and multi-dimensional he was, while she was could only be one person at a time—if she was happy, nervous or shy, she was Emi; if she was decisive and sure, confident and aloof, she was Chieri. She could never handle being all of those things at once and he could, and maybe that was why she got was fascinated with him.

"I care how my people perceive me, to an extent—I want to be important to them, and as Kazekage I achieved that. I thought that was the reason for my existence. I've never cared much for anyone's thought beyond that. Except..." Here, Gaara paused and kissed her again, another example of odd timing. His awkwardness with the intimacy confused her, and though she did not push him away, she remained altogether unresponsive. He continued their conversation when he realized she was not reacting. "I already know you find me important in the role of Kazekage. I as a person am not important, but I as a leader am. I should be content with that, but I'm not. I find that I care very much what you think of me, and if it's in a negative aspect, I want to change that. Is it in a negative way, Emi?"

"I don't know," she answered quietly. "And, for the record, I was speaking to Temari about you."

"Me?" The relief that flooded him was a foreign feeling, but not unwelcome.

"You." She barked out a small laugh. "You keep pushing me, Gaara. You kissed me and then ignored me. I thought that was the end of it. Why haven't you left me alone? The mystery is gone. You know all about me."

"You intrigue me." His hand lightly brushed back her hair. "Your mannerisms, your innermost thoughts...I know about your past, Emi, but I know nothing about you."

"Are you sure you want to?" she remarked dryly.

"Very sure. If you'll allow me."

"I don't open up to people. I can barely be friends with Temari, but with you I know that if I let it happen I could completely..."

His gentle demeanor was beginning to fade as he saw an opening, a crack in her ice armor. He was trying not to rush her, and in doing so he felt unlike himself. He felt an intense desperation to make her agree, to have her be his, and he voiced this.

"I want you to be mine," he whispered, lips grazing her cheek. "Mine only. I must. Can't you see, Emi? We can't dance around each other any longer. Let yourself fall for me. I don't understand what's happening, but I know what I want." _Kami, how I want to touch her..._

Emi had closed her eyes, surprise running through her as he spoke and she heard the desperation, the need, the _honesty_, in his voice. He wasn't lying or trying to trick her. The cold, commanding Kazekage was speaking how he _felt_.

"Why me?" she whispered. "When you could have any girl in the village, why me?"

"Because you're not just any girl," he muttered, breath dancing across her lips. "I told you before. You made yourself special. You are a jewel to be admired. If anything, Emi, _I'm _not good enough for _you_. Would you really be with a monster?"

"You and I both know you were never the monster."

* * *

><p>AN: next chapter is, ladies and gentlemen, the long awaited 'lemon'. i will provide ample warning in the beginning of the chapter in case you don't want to read it. **review please!** :D


	14. First

A/N: Okay, this is why I put M for the rating. A few of you have been asking for it, but even so, I am giving fair warning. For those of you who don't want to read about sex, skip this chapter. The next one will resume normal plot mode, and the story will still make perfect sense even if you skip this. It's just a matter of detail. I am giving you a choice.

Make your choice wisely.

If you are going to skip this chapter, close the page now.

Seriously.

Five, four, three, two, one...

_Action._

* * *

><p>He pulled her against him roughly, kissing her with every ounce of need he felt, and this time she responded. Her hands settled on his strong shoulders, and when he moved his lips against hers and felt her mouth open willingly, he couldn't hold back the groan of long-awaited triumph. She tasted sweet as he explored her mouth with his tongue. She uttered a small, surprised moan, fingers finding purchase in the fabric of his shirt, clenching it tightly.<p>

"Wait," she pulled away to whisper.

"Never," was all he could growl as he claimed her mouth as his own. He would kiss her until she could no longer speak, until every exhale contained his name, until breathing was secondary on her mind to him.

But she pulled away yet again, turning her face away from him. For a moment, he wondered how she could, before remembering that she too was a ninja. No matter. He improvised, latching his lips to her neck, biting and sucking and licking.

"Gaara, we're on a roof."

"So?" He breathed the word against her skin, so as to pause as little as necessary from his ministrations.

"So," she let out a light moan, "we'll roll off if we..."

She chuckled, and as he held her in his arms by her waist, with her still clinging to his shoulders, he realized she had a point. He made sure his grip on her was firm and jumped off the roof, catching the edge of it with one hand and swinging onto the small balcony of her apartment.

"My place?" she asked with a frown.

"The Jonin bodyguards are posted outside of mine," he reminded her shortly.

"Ah, right."

He didn't let her get out another word, walking her backwards into the apartment. Luckily, the door from the balcony led to her bedroom. The backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed and she fell back, taking him with her. When he fell on top of her, body pressed against hers, the sensations overwhelmed him for a moment and he had to stop kissing her in order to breathe properly. Both were panting as she took the lapse in action to gasp out, "Gaara, are we really going to...?"

He glanced her face sharply. "You're regretting this."

"I'm not _regretting_, Gaara, stop putting words in my mouth—"

"Then what's the problem?"

"You've never...done this before, have you?"

Gaara's green eyes narrowed immediately. "You have."

"Now, Gaara, hold on, before you get angry—"

"Who was it? Tell me! I'll rip him in half—"

"And that's why I'm not going to tell you," she said firmly. "Please, just calm down."

"Do you still remember him? Remember his name? His face?"

Confused by the questions, her eyebrows knitted together. "Of course, why wouldn't I?"

Gaara uttered a predatory growl. "I will make you forget. I will satisfy you until his memory is gone completely."

He ripped the simple white top from her frame, nearly grinning as he realized she wasn't wearing a bra. When something flashed in her face—he was frightening her, he realized, he had never frightened her—he kissed her. Her body relaxed beneath him as their tongues danced, her deft fingers skillfully ridding him of his shirt. He sat up only long enough to toss the shirt away, and when he leaned down again, her small, soft hands lightly traced the muscles on his back. They trailed along his shoulder blades, down his spine, around the front to touch his chest, his abs, his collarbone—Gaara let loose another groan. Where her fingers touched his bare skin made fire boil in his veins, and he pressed his unclothed chest to hers, desperate to get more of the feeling.

He kissed and nipped at her neck, down to her collarbone, where he hesitated before making his way back up to her lips. It was a short, brief hesitation, but Emi caught it. He wanted to please her so badly that he was terrified of doing the wrong thing, and so he stuck to what he knew gave him a reaction: touching her breasts and kissing her. She knew that he was aware of what to do if his hand drifted lower, but he was keeping them where they were—he probably didn't want to rush things.

"Gaara," she whispered. "Let me help you."

He tensed up considerably at the suggestion and harshly ground out, "No. I will do this on my own, Emi."

"But—"

"I will be your best, and I will do it without your assistance, and that will _make _me your best."

"Advice then," she placated. His hand tweaked her nipple again and her hips rose from the bed jerkily. "Advice, not help."

He slowed his movements, looking at her. "I'm listening."

"You know what to do with your hands." She gasped as the fingers of his right hand traveled down to trace circles above the edge of her sleep shorts. "You can use your tongue to do the same things."

If the boy had had eyebrows, they would have raised. "Really?" he murmured. "Interesting..."

She cried out as his tongue began to play with her nipple, and when it was hard, he switched to the other one. She couldn't help but squirm underneath him.

"More..." She bit her lip even as the word escaped her lips.

"I heard that," he said, low and gravelly.

He removed her shorts quickly, then languorously began to slide her underwear off her body. She pushed her hips up toward him again, hoping that would hurry him along, and his self-control slipped. The underwear tore as he removed it and spread her legs, pushing a finger into her. She moaned, hands searching for something to hold onto, or perhaps for a pillow to muffle herself. He watched her reaction carefully, trying to find that spot he knew he'd found at least once before—

"Gaara!"

There it was. He slid another finger in, carefully trying to hit that spot, and then he thought about her comment regarding his tongue. He looked down at where his fingers were and thought, _I wonder..._

Emi had done a decent job at stifling her moans, even with his fingers going at a steady pace inside of her. She pushed her hips to meet them, and then suddenly, all her effort to be quiet was wasted as she felt something hot and wet slide across her most sensitive area. _Oh shit..._ The teenage boy was taking her advice. His tongue licked her slowly in time as he pumped his fingers in and out of her, and if those sensations weren't enough to make her overload, his left hand was still toying with her nipple.

"Oh..." she moaned, fingers threading in his red hair. "How are you...ah...so good..."

He thrust his fingers harder, tongue going faster, and suddenly with a high-pitched moan she came. She released his hair, arms out to her sides, panting, and he sat up with a satisfied smirk on his face as he seductively licked his lips and chin. "I'm a fast learner."

Her gaze narrowed. "If you get cocky..." Her hands dipped into his pants and his mind went blank with bliss as she touched him right where he wanted. She wrapped her hand around the length of him, stroking slowly, lethargically, as if she _wasn't _driving him insane with desire. Then, suddenly, she squeezed in a manner that was decidedly _not _pleasant and actually rather painful. "I'll remove it."

"I'm not cocky," he said, albeit rather quickly. "I use your reactions to find out what you like, how and where you need to be touched. I just want you to feel good, Emi." He kissed her and then whispered in her ear, "I want to be the one to make you feel good."

Emi merely stared at the boy above her in shock for a moment. No man, no _person_, had ever been in tune with her, had ever even tried to pay attention to what _she _liked or wanted. Whether sexually or in a friendship, it had always been about the other person.

He continued to kiss her until all was forgiven. The hand in his pants retracted, to which he protested animatedly, but all protesting was cut short when she threw him a saucy wink and removed his last two items of clothing, pants and boxers alike. Shoes had already been kicked off at some earlier point, and now, stark naked, the two continued to make a tangled, wrinkled mess of Emi's sheets.

She moaned again loudly as she felt his hardness against her thigh. He knew that she was ready for him, but...

"Tell me you want it, Emi. Tell me."

"Cruel bastard..."

"We both know you don't mean that. I need to hear you say it." His mouth again found her breast, fingers dipping back into her core.

As she writhed against him, she said, "If you don't get in me, I'll just get on top."

His eyes flashed and he found himself grinning. "Intriguing proposition."

"Damn it, Gaara—" She pushed on his chest, scowling at the lack of control she had in this situation, and his self-control didn't just slip. It broke completely.

"I'll have you begging for me." Sand from his discarded gourd in the corner of her room began to curl towards her, forming around her wrists and locking them together over her head.

She opened her mouth to spit back some kind of retort, but all that came out was a loud moan as he thrust into her in one smooth motion. He filled her and she struggled for breath as she got used to the feeling. _Holy hell, _she thought. _How big is he? _She hadn't gotten a clear look during their heavy make-out session, but obviously he was of commendable size.

Gaara bent his head so that she couldn't see his face as his body trembled over her. "S-Shit." His arms were straight, holding him up, and with himself fully sheathed in her, the feeling of warm tightness was enough to almost make him come right then. _Not yet..._How embarrassing that would be...All his big talk, and he came early? He couldn't have that! He pushed it back forcibly, determined. For all his determination, worry crept into his mind. This was the last of his virginity. He had never done this before, and that inexperience could ruin his plan to be her best...He would just have to try harder.

"Kami, Gaara," she said, the volume of her voice steadily going up as he began pounding into her.

Her hips rocked wildly in an attempt to find his rhythm as his thrusts came, harsh and hard and fast, and she was unable to think straight as she tried to find some kind of timing.

"You can't...Make a rhythm, I can't..."

He understood her words and tried to rein it back, but couldn't. The sensation was unbelievable. Indescribable. He adjusted his angle of entry and thought how the only thing that would make this better would be—

"G-Gaara...Oh, fuck...Gaa—"

_That._

He had apparently fallen into a rhythm despite the speed and force of his hips remaining unchanged, and she lifted herself to meet his every movement.

"Yes." He collapsed down, never stopping, and kissed her. "Say my name."

"Gaara," she moaned. "T-touch me."

He reached down with one hand, balancing his weight, to touch her as he angled himself more, trying to get deeper. Enveloped in his ecstasy, the sand had fallen away, his chakra concentration broken. As he felt her hand in his hair, clutching him closer as she bit onto his shoulder to try and keep quiet, the nails of her other hand raking down his back, he knew he wouldn't last more than a few more seconds of bliss.

"Emi," he said with another loud groan. "Emi, say my name. Moan for me. Scream for me."

Her back arched, his name on her lips, clenching around him as she came, and he stopped trying to hold his own orgasm back. With a moan of relief and pleasure, he felt himself explode inside of her. He rolled over so he didn't fall on her, both panting and covered in sweat. He realized something with a start that made his eyes go wide. Before he could speak, however, Emi chuckled, her eyes closed, and said, "Don't worry. I'm on birth control."

She shifted onto her side, facing away from him, with her breathing once again under control. He frowned at her back and said, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"How was it?"

She turned back to face him with an amused expression. "You really have to ask?"

His face darkened considerably.

"Right, right, first time. It was amazing. Happy?" she replied playfully.

"Your best?" he persisted, voice gruff.

She had a content smile, her amber eyes warm like liquid gold. "We might have to do it again before I'm one-hundred-percent sure..."

He growled at the challenge but she merely laughed and rolled back over. "When you leave, make sure the balcony door is closed. I don't want a draft."

"You want me to leave?"

Emi turned over again, surprised at the evident hurt in his voice. "I was under the impression that you weren't the cuddling type. You want to stay?"

With a scowl, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him, settling back amongst the pillows.

"Okay, then. Message received."

* * *

><p>He watched her face as she slept, chest rising and falling gently with each breath, and he smoothed back her hair to press his lips to her forehead.<p>

Suddenly, he grinned darkly as he remembered something she had said. _"We might have to do it again..." _They were sure as hell going to do it again if he had anything to say about it.

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><p>AN: satisfied, everyone? :) for those of you who didn't want explicit...didn't i warn you at the beginning of the chapter? haha. mind reviewing on my first real 'lemon'?


	15. Sand

A/N: it's almost over :( this is the last plot-twist before the end of the story...sigh..

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><p>Gaara was on cloud nine. He thought he had been happy before, or at least content, when they had made him Kazekage—which was their way of saying he now mattered to them—but if that was happiness, this was bliss. He felt so relaxed, so at ease, so...not Gaara. He quite enjoyed the feeling.<p>

The people of Suna knew something had happened immediately, for two reasons: one, the young redhead was walking around town in his Kazekage robes, speaking pleasantly to people instead of hiding away in his office, and two, the corners of his mouth were turned upwards just the slightest bit, but it was so out of place on his features that it was instantly noticeable.

It frightened them a little to see their leader acting strangely, even if happiness was something they all felt their beloved Kazekage deserved.

It succeeded, however, in making both Kankuro and Temari suspicious, though Kankuro was more enlightened than his sister.

"What changed?" Kankuro asked his brother, cornering him near the Academy. "You went from hiding away in your office to nearly smiling out in public. Does it have something to do with Kitamura-san?"

Gaara's small smile didn't go away, and he seemed to be in a strange good humor when he said, "Now I understand why you were pushing me towards Kitamura and why Temari is so persistent about being a matchmaker. By the way, you may tell her that Emi is no longer in need of Temari's assistance with that."

"Emi?" Kankuro repeated, staring at Gaara. "And wait, are you saying..."

"I'd prefer if you kept it under wraps, Kankuro, as she doesn't want people knowing—she prides herself on her secrecy, that girl—but yes, we are together."

"Togeth...?" Kankuro's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Gaara, define 'together'. You asked her out?"

"No."

"Then, how are you...?"

"We slept together." Gaara frowned, looking confused. "Isn't that what together means?"

"Together means a relationship, Gaara," said Kankuro, sighing. "If you never actually asked her out, it's not...all you did was sex. You're not in a relationship."

"Ah." Gaara settled into a set expression. "I see."

"I'm sorry—"

"Excuse me, Kankuro," he interrupted, "while I go rectify the situation."

Kankuro watched his retreating brother's back, not understanding quite what he meant, until it suddenly hit him. _Is he going to go ask out Kitamura-san?_

* * *

><p>Emi Kitamura donned the cloak she'd worn only once before—when she'd saved Gaara—and went to the Suna jail to visit Hideki. She'd heard through the grapevine around town that Mist village ninja were coming to take him later in the afternoon, so she'd come early. It was just after sunrise. Gaara had been awake when she'd woken up, leaving her to wonder if he even slept at all.<p>

She had stretched and reached down on the floor for her clothing, wincing as she saw the state of her shirt, and then she stood to pull a dress out of her closet.

"The sweet shop doesn't open for hours."

She heard the rustling of sheets as Gaara got out of bed. "I'm not going to work."

"Where are you going?"

He came up behind her, molding her body to his, and realized he had dropped his dislike of physical contact. At least around her, anyway. Especially after last night…

"Just out. Don't you have any duties to perform, Gaara?"

"Eager to get rid of me?" His tone was teasing.

"I wouldn't want anyone to get suspicious." She couldn't keep a smile at bay as he kissed her again.

He flinched slightly as he realized her point, but just bent his head to kiss her again. When he pulled away, his expression was strange.

"Something wrong?"

"I'm…happy."

Now, she pushed the redhead out of her mind and focused on the task at hand. Hideki was leaning his back against the wall, sitting on the floor of his cell. He looked up at her with an expression of disdain.

"Look who comes to visit—"

"Shut up."

He blinked, momentarily stunned, and spluttered, "What'd you say to me?"

"I told you to shut up. Listen to me. It's my turn to talk." She squatted down, bending her knees until she was eyelevel with him, and then peered into his cell. "I came only to tell you this, and once I am through I will leave, and I will never see you again."

Emi took a deep breath. Gaara snuck into her mind, and she thought over again how she had condemned herself to believing that she would never be loved, never be cared for, because she didn't deserve it. Gaara didn't care that she had done something terrible. He didn't hold it over her head. He didn't mention it. He didn't believe she should be publicly humiliated or burned alive. Maybe she did deserve to have someone care. Maybe she had paid her dues for doing something terrible.

"You asked me if I ever thought about it," she said to him. "You probably don't care to know my answer, Hideki, but I do think about it. I think about it every day. It guides my every action. I will die with the memory of their blood on my hands. That is something I cannot escape. I have finally been convinced that _that _is what I deserve, not pain or death or a life alone. I have honored Aya's memory. Have you?"

There was a long silence as he absorbed what she had said.

"How dare you," he spat. "How dare you think I have dishonored my sister's memory—"

"You hadn't even seen her in three years, Hideki. Don't throw your guilt back on me. I know what I have done and I accepted it. You refuse to. I have nothing more to say to you. I've said my piece. I don't expect to change your mind. It was something I felt you ought to hear."

She stood, intending to leave immediately. She would hide in her apartment, would call off work, until the Mist ninja sent to retrieve him had left—just in case one of them recognized her. Sabiki had been frightened by her mood swings the past few days, worried they would scare off customers and annoyed with her constant demands for more culinary training, so he wouldn't put up much argument when she called off. She turned around, fingering the hood of the cloak, but too late—

The Mist ninja were here hours early.

"I'm sorry, miss," said one of them, a shorter man with brown crew-cut hair. "We have to transfer the prisoner now."

"Of course," she bowed, panic running through her mind. _Stay calm. They don't know you. _The other male, however, a black-haired youth of about eighteen, looked vaguely familiar…

"Wait!" yelled Hideki suddenly. "I can name another Mist Village traitor in exchange for amnesty."

"It is not our decision to make," said the crew-cut gruffly. "We will take you back to the Mizukage, where you will name said traitor, and she will make the decision if it is worth amnesty."

"You wouldn't want to make another trip out to Suna, would you?"

Emi felt her eyes widen, heart beating frantically against her chest. _Don't you dare. Don't, Hideki, don't—_

She began to leave, hoping she could at least make it out of the room, maybe flee the village before they could catch up to her—

"That girl," Hideki pointed, "is Chieri Isoya of the Village Hidden in the Mist."

Two heads turned to her as Emi heard nothing but the sounds of her panicked heartbeat and her uneven breathing. Time seemed to have stopped.

"Chieri?" said the black-haired boy, and that was when it really hit her.

_Kenta. Kenta Komatsu._

The only boy—besides Gaara, now—that she had ever slept with. How could she have not recognized him? He was taller, but with the same hair, same warm brown eyes that had led her to his bed. He was more muscular, his face leaner. It had only been six months since she'd last been with him, two since she'd last spoken to him, but he had changed so much…She supposed in that short time she had too.

"Chieri Isoya?" He was quiet as he stepped near her. "I…We…You were dead. Your body was…"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Her voice was shaking. "My name is Emi Kitamura."

"You have the same hair color. It's shorter, a little lighter maybe from the sun…" He took another step toward her. "The same age, the same eyes…Did you really think I wouldn't recognize your eyes, Chieri?"

"I really don't know—"

"She's lying!" Hideki screeched. "Take her too! Arrest her too!"

Emi's brain shorted out. She had no plan, no elaborate way to get out of this. She was terrified, she was stuck, and they were going to take her back to the Mist village. Back to hell.

She fled.

"Chieri! Chieri, stop!" Kenta chased after her, while the other ninja stayed to guard Hideki.

Through what she knew was a haze of terror, she saw a shock of red hair. Her saving grace.

_Gaara._

* * *

><p>Gaara was heading down to meet the Mist ninja when they came for the rogue, when he heard shouting and saw a familiar girl running toward him at top speed.<p>

_Emi?_

Except the Mist ninja chasing her was shouting another name. "Chieri! Chieri, stop!"

Then Emi flung herself at Gaara, her face contorted in an expression of pure horror and alarm—an expression he had never seen on her, and it immediately sparked a protective feeling within him.

"P-please, please…"

With a flash of anger, he realized she was crying. She had never cried since she left Chieri behind. She was terrified.

"I'm not a ninja, I won't be a ninja, don't let them take me, please, I can't go, I can't—"

Then the Mist ninja reached him. "K-Kazekage!"

Gaara's eyes were narrowed. "Why have you not transferred the rogue out of my village yet?"

"E-Excuse me, Kazekage-sama," he bowed quickly before returning his gaze to the sobbing, scared girl in Gaara's grip. "The prisoner informed us that that girl is from our village as well. Chieri Isoya has been perceived dead for nearly two months, the Mizukage will be thrilled to learn she is alive."

"I know no Chieri Isoya. This girl wandered into my village with amnesia. Her name is Emi Kitamura, and she has made a place for herself in this village. She is one of my people now, she is not a ninja. I'm afraid whoever she was before is, in fact, dead."

"The prisoner said—"

"Are you going to take the word of a rogue," said Gaara dangerously, "over mine, as leader of the Sand Village?"

"N-No, sir, I—"

"I'm sure you will be obligated to tell the Mizukage. That is fine. Be sure to inform her, however, that there is no reason for this girl to return to the Mist."

"The Mizukage may want her to return anyway, in case her memory returns—"

"Then the Mizukage can address me herself. I will fight it all the way, however. Her life now lies in the sand, not in the mist."

Kenta walked away, momentarily defeated, and Emi was left struggling to breathe deeply, the relief flooding her until her chest ached.

Gaara took her home, setting her onto her bed, and before she drifted off into an exhausted sleep, his voice echoed in her mind.

_"Her life now lies in the sand, not in the mist."_

* * *

><p>AN: well, the end is nigh...i actually think the next chapter might be it.


	16. Precious

A/N: it's the ending. thank you in advance to everyone who has reviewed this story or added it to their favorites/alerts list.

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><p>"You know," said Kankuro somberly, "even if you make a deal with the Mizukage, you'll never be able to be with Emi publicly."<p>

"I know." Gaara sat in his office, pacing incessantly, trying to keep himself from going to see her. "I don't care."

"They would try to make you resign as Kazekage if they found out." By 'they', he meant the other Kages.

"I know, Kankuro."

"It would be safer if you didn't—"

"I _know_, Kankuro!"

Kankuro looked at his brother sadly. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"I won't make her go back to the Mist Village. Nothing will deter me. If I can't be with her, at least I can keep her from misery."

* * *

><p>Emi woke up and knew immediately what she had to do. Her mind was on the same path as Kankuro's—she knew that if Gaara stuck his neck out for her and anyone found out that they had been…intimate…he would be forced to resign. She would not be the reason these people lost their Kazekage. She would <em>not <em>be the reason that everything Gaara had worked for was destroyed.

So she left.

* * *

><p>Gaara saw red. He was in a haze, anger and despair overshadowing any rational part of his mind. She was gone. Again. But this time there were no clues, no kidnappers, nothing. Nothing except a note from her that said, <em>I will not have you destroy your life for me. I wouldn't be able to live with that, Gaara. I'm sorry. You won't be seeing me again.<em>

He crinkled the note in his fist, shaking with barely controlled fury.

Chieri Isoya was on the run yet again, and Emi Kitamura…would never return to Suna again.

* * *

><p>A year went by.<p>

The Fifth Kazekage had just arrived back in Suna after a meeting with the Hokage, and seventeen-year-old Gaara had hardly stepped in his office before he felt a familiar presence.

"Emi."

The girl's back was facing him, but she stiffened when he said her name. "Hello."

"Are you still Emi? Or do you go by a different name now?"

She licked her lips, turning to face him. Her hair was now long and braided, but other than that she was the same. Same height. Same eyes. _Same eyes_. "I tried being Mina for a while."

"What happened to that?"

"Mist ninja started poking around."

"I see."

He was burning to reach for her, touch her, kiss her. He had missed her. "I thought you were never returning to Suna."

"I didn't come for a visit, Gaara."

He sighed as she said his name. It filled a hole within him he didn't realize he had. "What did you come for, Emi?"

She stepped toward him with tears in her eyes, and pressed her lips to his. He clutched at her, but she detangled herself all too soon. "I want you to kill me, Gaara."

"_What?_"

"The Mist won't stop chasing me. I've been miserable." Her eyes raked over him one last time. His hair was longer, his face leaner, but his eyes were the eyes of the fifteen-year-old from before. "You said once that my life lies in the sand. I want you to kill me, so I can become a part of your sand. I want to protect you like you protected me. I want to be able to protect someone precious to me, always."

"Emi, no. You are _my_ someone precious. I can't do that to you."

"We can't be together. I'm not satisfied with that. I've been denying it for months, Gaara, but the truth is that I…" Her hand touched the kanji on his forehead, and he received what she wanted to say loud and clear.

"Emi, I can't." He grabbed her hand. "Don't make me."

"I've never been able to make you do anything, Gaara. I can't be on the run anymore, don't you understand? And if I'm going to die, I don't want to be hiding from the Mist. I want to choose where and how. I choose here and now and with you." She smiled softly and stepped back from him. "You know, I've always wanted to meet your mother."

He had missed the kunai in her hip pouch. He saw it only now, as it descended and she shoved it deep into her stomach.

"NO!"

He pulled her close to him, shouting for his brother. Kankuro and Temari ran in, accompanied by the guards.

"Emi-chan?" asked Temari, eyes wide as she took in the dying form of the friend who had run away a year ago.

"Damn it, Kankuro, help me!" Gaara yelled.

"Gaara." Emi sighed his name against his chest. "I will protect you…It's the only way I can be near you…"

"You will not die," he snarled. "I won't let you—"

Her laughter was weak. "When have you been able to control me?"

"Emi, don't do this to me." He inhaled the scent of her hair. "Don't…please."

She touched her fingers to his kanji again. "Love, Gaara."

Then she died. His sand wrapped itself around him as he held her body, and he let loose an angry inhuman sound of loss. He was overcome with emotion, tears and anger and fury—he smoothed her hair back and choked, "Love."

Her funeral was secretive—Gaara would _not _have the Mist Village destroying her body. Temari didn't speak to her brother for a few days out of anger—neither of her brothers had informed her of Emi's past, or told her that Emi and Gaara were essentially in love—but she softened when she saw how Gaara was affected by the young girl's death. She tried to comfort him, but Gaara didn't want soothing words or apologies. He wanted Emi.

Now he stood, perched on the roof of her old apartment building, the place where they'd finally…He stopped his memory there.

His sand rustled within the gourd, then poured itself onto the roof and formed two figures—the figures of the two women whose spirits now resided in his sand.

His mother, who had been there all along, who had always protected him even when most thought it was Shukaku.

His love. She formed more solidly than his mother, the sand hardening and coloring in a similar method to the Sand Armor that covered his body. "Your mother is a beautiful woman," he imagined her saying.

"So are you."

"Flattery will get you everywhere." Her voice, clear as day, but she wasn't really there. He knew she would protect him. He knew she was with him. He also knew that this copy couldn't speak. That he would never hear her voice again. That it was only a trick his mind was playing. The laughter he heard, it wasn't real. The glint of her amber eyes—all in his head. The two sand figures dissolved slowly, sand retreating back into the gourd, and the wind blew some stray grains towards him. He could have sworn they whispered in his ear.

_Goodbye, _they said, _hatsukoi. _First love.

He touched the love kanji on his forehead and felt a deep aching within himself.

"Gaara."

The teenager sighed heavily. "I came here to be alone, Kankuro."

There was silence for a while, but his brother didn't leave.

"Have you ever been in love, Kankuro?"

"No," the puppet-master answered with honesty.

"I wouldn't suggest it. Quite painful, actually."

"Gaara—"

"I could have protected her."

"She wanted to protect _you_. She knew you'd have to give up your position—"

"I would have in a heartbeat. I wanted to be happy, Kankuro. I was finally…I had finally found my reason for _existing_…and she killed herself."

"She sacrificed herself for you, Gaara. She loved you."

"I know." He lifted his face to the moon. "That doesn't make the pain lessen."

Another bout of silence.

"Kankuro?"

"Yes?"

"I have nothing to remember her," Gaara said suddenly. "She made sure not to leave a trace when she left Suna."

Kankuro put his hand firmly on his brother's shoulder. "I wouldn't say that."

He handed Gaara a photograph. In it, fifteen-year-old Emi was kissing him, the back of his hand lightly brushing her cheek, on this very roof—"Kankuro?"

"Did you know that from your office window, there is a straight view of this roof?"

Gaara knew that, had Kankuro showed him this months before, he would have been angry that his brother had spied. Now, however, he found that he was grateful.

"I know you won't forget her. Just…don't be alone forever, if you can help it. She wouldn't have wanted that."

Gaara supposed he was right. But as it was, it seemed impossible, inconceivable, to ever feel that happiness again. "Thank you, Kankuro." Then, Gaara's face hardened. "Also, first thing tomorrow I want to contact the Mizukage and put in a special request."

"Request, Gaara?"

"If she has no objections, I'd like Hideki Nakano to be executed. Immediately."

The End.

* * *

><p>AN: i'm sorry to have ended it like this, but this story has been finished for weeks before i decided to post it (which is why i was able to update so quickly). for a while, i thought about rewriting certain parts, but the ending has always been this. it seemed fitting. after all, with Emi's past, a 'happy ending' didn't really seem probable.

in the words of Orson Welles, if you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story.

hopefully you've enjoyed reading as much as i've enjoyed writing about Emi and Gaara.

thank you again.


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